Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 5, 2002, at 4:40:16
In reply to Re: and the $600 question... Ted... » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on September 4, 2002, at 11:10:42
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> She somehow (and I can't describe just how) has to have the personality that is comforting and trusting enough to allow me to open up. I can't sense threat of any kind. I dunno. Geez -- your worse than my therapist. Wanna job? You're *good*.
Oops, didn't mean to slip into therapist mode. TOtal flirtation killer :(What you say jives with something I read somewhere about men vs women, and who falls in love more. It said that men fall in love hard when they find a woman they can open up to, like you describe. So maybe you're more ordinary guy than you think.
I tend to go more for men I can look up to, but it's usually a false kind of looking up to that I create myself. Then I get disillusioned and lose all desire. As far as being accepting toward a man, I don't think I"ve ever honestly felt that way. I'm too defensive with them. I assume if I give them acceptance they'll take advantage of me.WHen I try to think who I've felt safe with, the only person is my therapist. I'm not in love with her at all though. I know lots of people get transference, but I haven't. Had one male friend that I felt pretty safe with, and that was the one that was hardest to get over after it ended. I don't feel safe with people usually. I feel very restricted, unless drunk or manic.
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> We all had different childhood difficulties. Your parents apparently split up and you blamed yourself. In my case, my parents are still married after 55 years. However, I received ZERO emotional support or companionship when growing up.I'm sorry to hear that. Were you an only child? My childhood was similarly lonely. THere was a weird closeness with my mom though, but not in a healthy way. I have read that neglect is more damaging than abuse, but I resist accepting that.
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> To be perfectly honest, I think she went for "good enough" or "less bad than the others" rather than "dream man" or "soul mate". She grew up in a vastly more dysfunctional family than me.Must hurt to think that you were not her first choice. Uh-oh, therapist mode again.
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Well Ted I don't know if all this flirtation has been just a moodswing for me or not, but it sure cheered me up this weekend. I went clothes shopping and am doing "the girl thing" again. I've been in total non-sexual mode for a couple years, so maybe it's just time to get back into it.T
poster:~~tabitha~~
thread:29660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29866.html