Posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 21:17:04
In reply to Re: Going hypo? Ted Roo, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 17:23:08
Hey Tabby,
> No fair, I turn my back for a couple of hours and Ted's attentions have already turned to another woman!
Well... YOU weren't here and Roo was. She sounded interested (and interesting) as well.
> Aw shucks, thanks guys. I've always thought Roo sounds like a cutie too.
My pleasure. *REALLY*. ;-)
> Well, sadly, I tend to flip between aloof and clingy.
Then we'll have to keep this purely physical, understand?
> Learn to radiate desire without expectation
Tabby, you sound yummier every day! :-)
> Never had much interest in a threesome. Too much worry about ending up left out.
Don't worry, *I* would never let that happen. :-)
>But... concurrent affairs with a member of each gender, now that would be very nice.
Ooohh! That sounds F-U-N! Can I watch? :-)
> > What is it with women and jealousy? Why can't women separate sex (and its pleasure) with love? They aren't the same.
>
> Ted, Ted, Ted. Tell us how they're different.Sex is done purely for pleasure, and not just for one's own. It is the giving and receiving of the most ultimately pleasurable experiences nature has created. It is done only for pleasure. For proof: would you have sex, with anyone, if you didn't get *any* pleasure whatsoever from it? I didn't think so.
Love is the caring for another person and accepting them as they are, not as you might like for them to be. It is also being accepted for all one's faults, kinky peculiarities, etc.
>I really want to know how you guys do it (keep them separate I mean).
We have sex because we enjoy it and we have someone we love. Simple as that. My wife doesn't understand how I wouldn't be jealous if she had sex with another man. My position is this: Do she love me? Am I the one with whom she wants to spend her life? If so, then it doesn't matter if she gets pleasure elsewhere occasionally. When I am no longer the one she loves, then there is a problem.
> I think it's that male/female wiring difference again. I gripe to my therapist about this, since after all it's much easier to find a fling than a partner...Really? When I was single, I didn't have one-night-stands. Either the women were total losers with whom I didn't want to waste my time or they were (at least potential) winners who I wanted to get to know better.
(Call me weird, but for me, women must have two characteristics: 1. they must be intelligent (I hate morons) and 2. they must be attractive; not fashionable or anything, just not coyote-ugly. If they fail test #1, then I don't bother with test #2.)
>My therapist says, why would you want to separate your sexuality from your emotions?
Because it make life easier. MUCH easier.
>It's not healthy anyway. I love her for that, makes me feel proud of my female wiring. Then again, sure would be fun to switch it off now and then.
Boy I'll say. :-)
> No, no, no, that's not what I meant. I mean a guy might see it as a quickie, but unbeknownst to him it could mean a lot more to a woman.
Beforehand, unless there has been some communication, one never knows if it is "just" a quickie. Afterwards, though, you have a chance:
Here's a test. For each YES, give yourself 1 point:
1. Did he go out of his way to make sure she was completely satisfied?
2. Did he hold her and kiss her afterwards?
3. Did he stay with her for a while, perhaps hours, afterwards?0-1 point: It was a quickie. Wham, bam, and thank you ma'am.
2-3 points: He is interested and caring. Not a quickie. He wants to see you again.>For instance, back when I was much more of a naughty girl
You mean you're not naughty now? Dang it! You keep coming up with these things at the worst times!
>I once went off with a guy after a party for sex on the beach. To him it was a quickie
Think back and do my test.
>but little did he know I'd had a huge crush on him, obsessing day and night, for an entire year beforehand.
No communication beforehand? Well, what did you expect of him? Any sex without communication is by definition a quickie.
>So his quickie was my culmination of great cosmic passion.
I'm sorry to say this, but I think the error was in your expectations. Now, had you communicated your expectations, you might have got more out of it.
If you could have separated sex from love (or infatuation), you could have enjoyed the quickie for what it was, and then pursued him further.
> And I love compliments. Especially the whispered kind.
Good! I might have to whisper some sometime. :-)
> > You're as gorgeous as you feel. Plus, some sexy lingerie, nail polish, lipstick, and a slinky dress go a long way. :-)
> I know, dudes dig lingerie.
Something funny I think I read here (maybe from Bobby?): "If love is blind, then why is sexy lingerie such big business?"
>Am I alone in having a hard time feeling sexy wearing it?
No. It takes getting used to, according to my wife. It is something you have to enjoy doing for your lover. First, it must be at least somewhat comfortable so you wont reject it. Second, you have to keep in your mind, "I have a little secret no one around me knows about until later, and then only my lover will know." And you have to feel OK dressing a little like a hooker. Remember, hookers stole it from good girls, not the other way around. But you needn't advertise like a hooker. Sometimes getting dressed up make my wife hornier than her being dressed up makes me.
>It's likely to make me compare myself to the catalog model, a decidedly un-sexy feeling.
That's a mistake. My wife is a size 18-20 and she is still sexier than probably 80% of women I know and see. It is all in your attitude. Sure she isn't as attractive as the VS girls, but so what. She is *sexy* and she is *mine*. :-)
> I'm much more comfortable with cute dresses and shoes, then you get points for style and not just perfectly proportioned flesh.
Good start. Now I could give you some tips on how to proceed, but in this public forum, I don't want to get Niki, Roo, or Dinah all upset or Bobby, Jay, Phil, or Greg (or Dr. Bob) all excited. :-)
> Well, I appreciate how difficult it must be. I used to ask men out, but sadly, it didn't really work out too well. It just didn't feel romantic.
Huh? Maybe it's just me, but that Lauren Bacall thing about a woman being interested in me.... Before I was married, on the few times when *I* was asked out, I found it a wonderful ego boost to know that an intelligent, attractive woman who could have anyone she wanted willingly chose me to spend her time with.
>I finally learned, if a guy doesn't ask me out after I've shown plenty of interest, then either he's not that interested, or he's too passive for me.
Well, that's certainly true, and it works both ways. But once he has shown some interest, have you tried it? Well?
>At this point in my life I want to be courted.
I'm trying my hardest. :-)
>And you might just be able to find my email in the archives too.
I'll start looking right away :-)
>So much of it is attitude. I think mine has been improved by all this flirting.
Good for you! I have enjoyed it tremendously.
>Think I'll go out and radiate my loveliness to all those lovely flesh and blood humans out there. :-)
Great! Just don't flash them too much -- you might get yourself in trouble. :-)
Ted
poster:Ted
thread:29660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29777.html