Posted by BeArDedLADY on August 28, 2002, at 7:58:04
In reply to Why do we hate compliments?, posted by mair on August 27, 2002, at 20:59:27
I love compliments, and I give them when I think someone is deserving. I pride myself on being able to write the tear-jerker card, telling, for example, my next door neighbor, upon her high school graduation and acceptance into Juliard, that I can't imagine how her parents must feel because I am so proud of her that I feel like she's mine!
I also tell people off when they're morons. It's the honesty thing. My therapist says I'm gonna get shot one day.
My parents complimented me all the time, and I am in a place where I have put myself out, so to speak. Lots of people know me, know my work. I have saved letters and cards and e-mails that were nice, poems on which someone has scribbled a nice comment. It's hard to have low self-esteem when you have constant reminders that you are of value to others!
But when it's about my body? "Ugh. I'm still too fat," I would always say. And I think everyone denies clothing compliments. I learned (on a talk show, prob!) to say thank you, rather than, "Oh, this old thing? I've had it for years." That's an insult to the people who complimented you. "Ew, how could you like this old rag? Your taste is crap."
A few weeks ago, I was reintroduced to a woman I'd met at our pool--someone I didn't converse with but saw a lot when I sat on the non-child side of the pool with my folks. A woman said, "Have you met beardy?" Out of nowhere and in front of five other people, she said, "Yes, I remember you from the other side of the pool. You are more beautful now than you ever were!" And I just froze for a moment and said, "My goodness! What a lovely thing to say! That really made me feel good." And I don't think I will ever forget it.
beardy
poster:BeArDedLADY
thread:29399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020820/msgs/29429.html