Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2002, at 2:43:04
In reply to Re: Oh Sandra.., posted by Gabbi on August 9, 2002, at 21:36:53
Been there. Found the only thing that helped was emotional divorce. Easier said than done and comes with a lot of extra baggage.
My mother was subject to rages, and would say the nastiest things during them, and could never understand why I just couldn't see it was the anger speaking and forgive and forget. One day I just looked at her, and she changed before my eyes from my mother, who I loved, and who I thought loved me, and who disappointed me over and over again because I expected more from her into this red faced stranger who was really acting like an ass, and who had no ability to hurt me. It actually improved our relationship, oddly enough.
Same thing happened to my dad, who is either the cruelest man on earth or the most colossolly insensitive. I think it's the latter, but it doesn't matter as much any more.
Darn, this is depressing.
I'm sorry you had such a nasty experience with your mom.
And Roo is right. You are much loved and cared about here. Not only because you are charming and funny. But also because you are just plain kind and thoughtful, and your posts show so much caring towards others, that it just makes us want to care back.
And if your mom's letter didn't say all that, then she is obviously doesn't see that clearly when it comes to you. Too much baggage of her own , perhaps? And I can't believe you do what your mom does, because I've seen you stand up to the slightest unkindness on behalf of perfect strangers. You vegetarian, extra sensitive, worker with difficult clients, you. I'm not saying I can't believe you never get angry and say something you regret, but it's hard for me to believe that you don't feel and express remorse for it.
Your sister might be frustrated now, but that isn't a permanent state. And your dad? He sounds like a great guy. Give him a great big hug when he comes back (has he left yet? If not give him that hug now.)
Sorry if I'm rambling Gabbi. Middle of night. :) Forgot to take my pills because I was so groggy earlier.
poster:Dinah
thread:28229
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020804/msgs/28407.html