Posted by PhoenixGirl on June 21, 2002, at 22:37:58
I feel so horribly guilty, that I am a bad person. There was a story on the news about a human being's cruel and gory murder, and the family does not want pictures or video of it to be shown. The story disturbed me so much, and I feel love for the deceased person, whom I didn't know of course, and heartbreak over what happened to the person.
There was a newspaper website that showed the person's brutal murder, and many people were outraged that it was shown. I believe that it should never have been made available for the public to view, especially because it hurts the family and disrespects the person's dignity.
But I went to the site anyway, because for some reason I wanted to see the gory murder. I don't know why I did. It's like, I want to understand what the world is really like, the cold, hard reality. Also I think I have that sick curiosity that people have, such as wehen people "rubber neck" when they drive past the scene of a gruesome car accident. People actually want to see something horrible. Why do we do this?
I started to play the website's video of the murder and was going to watch the whole thing, but I closed the site before the gruesome scenes began. My heart was pounding and I felt horror and guilt. I feel so very guilty for even considering to watch the video. I never want to deny a person their dignity, or to look at the video which the family did not want shown. I closed the website before the murder scene began because I felt a sense of wrongness inside. I want to be a good person. What is it inside me that made me want to see the tape? Sick curiosity? And I even have thoughts of going back to the site and watching the rest of the videotape....So that human cruelty will be real to me and not seem like something that happens "out there". You know, that numbness you have when you watch the news. For example, a news story can report on how people died in a suicide bombing or something, but the gruesome reality of splattered bodies is not shown, so we don't absorb the full horror of the reality.
I want to understand why people do cruel things. I don't know how viewing that gruesome videotape would help me understand, but somehow I felt that it would. And I think I have that sick curiosity that seems to be a part of the human condition. I just feel so guilty and awful. Please share your thoughts.
poster:PhoenixGirl
thread:25565
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020616/msgs/25565.html