Posted by Penny on March 25, 2002, at 14:00:15
In reply to Re: I am SOOOO right where you are!!! » Penny, posted by allisonf on March 25, 2002, at 13:21:02
Allison,
So good to hear from you.
Yeah, I did the writing to my therapist thing at her recommendation. And I read the letter to her in therapy. It was soooo hard to do. I tried two weeks in a row and just couldn't make myself. Then, finally, on week three, I was able to get through it. Of course, that was without looking at her the entire time I was reading it! It was 11 pages long...and I poured out my heart. Afterwards, she said it was very affectionate.
Also, about your therapist being upset with you regarding driving by your house. I thought the same thing. When I told her, I could feel a shift in the tension in the room. And when I talked to her that night on the phone (apologizing over and over), she seemed more detached. And that really hurt. But when I saw her the next week, I reiterated how sorry I was and how afraid I was that I had messed up 'our relationship' and how she views me, and she was much warmer and told me that it wasn't the first time someone had found out where she lived, and that it would have freaked her out a little if she didn't know me so well, but I've been seeing her for two years, so she was okay with my knowing. Just wouldn't have voluntarily given me that information. And that made me feel better, b/c she seemed like she had gotten past it.
The other thing that helped was the last session we had b/f she went on maternity leave, and I was all upset and she said she would miss me and miss working with me but that she wouldn't be gone too long and that I could call and leave her messages letting her know how I was doing, etc. And she gave me a hug before I left. I've only hugged her twice in two years...and I think that's really the only time we've ever touched at all. But that felt good. I felt better after the session.
Being away from her and not thinking as much about my feelings for her has helped me in the day-to-day stuff somewhat. It's made it a bit easier to deal with the meds & depression and whatnot. But I don't think it would be good for me to go on like this for long. I think I will definitely need to deal with these issues at some point, either with her or with someone else who understands.
But it really helps knowing that I'm not the only one...this board has been a wonderful thing.
If you'd like, you can email me personally at penny1076@yahoo.com. If you're uncomfortable with that, we'll keep in touch via the board.
Keep me posted with you too.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:20769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020325/msgs/20866.html