Posted by Shar on March 23, 2002, at 18:58:16
In reply to Phil's onto something here, posted by trouble on March 23, 2002, at 15:29:26
I am a big fan of not revealing to someone what is none of their business. That does not seem to be all that popular in our culture, as there seems to be a huge emphasis on explaining ourselves and providing reasons for things...when it isn't necessary.
If someone wants me to do something I don't want to do there is nothing wrong with me saying "I'm afraid I can't make it." (Yes, the truth fanatics will say 'it isn't a matter of can't it is a matter of won't' which technically may be true, but doesn't matter to me.)
If I am late to work, it doesn't really matter why. I take the consequences. I say "yes, I'm late." Or, "yes, I understand I'm late." Then my 30 lashes. If I've been sick, I use sick leave (I am actually unemployed right now, so this is based on past experience.)
I make every effort to avoid lying. Usually it's as simple as not talking too much, not providing reasons or excuses for what I've done. In the worst case, people may just want to hear you talk, and content doesn't matter that much. Like, to my boss, 'yes, I understand I'm late. Was traffic just awful on your way in this morning?' Or, I might sincerely say 'I can't believe I'm late, I feel just awful about it! I hope this didn't put you in a bind. Did it create a problem for you?' Then usually people are talking, because they'd much rather talk about themselves over me any day. Also, people usually don't like to ask "why can't you go" or "why are you late" so if the info isn't volunteered the topic fizzles.
I am honest about important things, based on my definition of important. I am not into honesty for "honesty's sake." Someone said, the man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality as much as the honesty. I forgot who said that, but I really like it.
Let me repeat, I am not advocating lying. I make every effort not to lie. OTOH, I don't give people unneeded info about me or my life. If pushed, I am more likely to tell the truth than to lie. However, I have been known to lie, and these days it is a conscious choice if I do it.
poster:Shar
thread:20503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020320/msgs/20722.html