Posted by Phil on March 3, 2002, at 21:04:32
In reply to Re: Haven't been posting. Addictive relatonship, posted by trouble on March 3, 2002, at 18:56:18
A few tings you said caught my eye and I'll respond to them in brief.
> When we were both trying to end it or 'sort it out', a part of me surfaced that was never there before.
> Here's the part that I turn into a total jerk.
> I didn't want to lose her but I chose a game where very few win.
>after 20+ years on meds this is the first time I've really thought I've lost my mind.IMO your situatin has nothiing to do w/ medication, and I'm hoping you were'nt implying that you thought the "right meds" or whatever would have prevented all this.
No, I think it was there of its own volition, waiting to strike. But with the anger I spewed,
I felt detached from the words and it was like this had never been an issue.
Anyway, I'm interested in the part of you that surfaced you say you'd never seen before.>>>>My intense anger and then detachment from it.
IMHO Phil, this is what caused your "insane" behavior. When we become aware of unfamiliar aspects of ourselves, it can be destabilizing, you can feel like you've lost your identity, are becoming someone else, someone you don't like... The resultant anxiety from discovering previously denied parts of ourselves can send us over the edge, as you so eloquently described in your own actions.
The part of you that surfaced and drove you around the bend seems to me like dependency needs.
>>>That played a part. And unfortunately, left unchecked, progresses.
Men are so discouraged from experiencing dependency needs it's a wonder half the male population isn't in jails and psych wards.
It's not fair to put cultural imperatives on the sexes that go against human nature, and when we sense their presence it can make us panic. But I also believe that once we let the new aspect into our psychological repoirtoire we becoming more, not less of a fully realized man or woman.I hope this part of yourself you'd never seen before isn't banished to the cellar on your journey toward healing. There's nothing wrong with it.
Now the behavior that came out of it... well I'll leave that for my fellow posters to comment on.
>>>I want to hear what people have to say but I recognize that the behavior was wrong and not in keeping with my nature. I think I knew years ago that the core of the recovery onion for me and, maybe most recovering folks, was relationships, intimacy, letting somebody care is the hardest.Take care,
poster:Phil
thread:19169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19179.html