Posted by Adam on November 12, 2001, at 11:03:24
In reply to Anyone else have shame attacks?, posted by Dinah on November 1, 2001, at 18:06:26
In my life, it is fair to say that I have done and said a few things that I really, really wish I hadn't. These range anywhere from a relatively forgettable faux pas to lynchpin decisions that altered the course of my life in a detrimental way. I seem to have this rather awful tendency, at times, to recall, in an instant, some rather vivid memories of some-or-other past transgression or indiscretion. The affects of such "attacks of conscious" can be pretty dramatic. I sometimes almost convulse, they hit me with such force. I fell an urge, when they strike, to cry out "oh my God, oh my GOD, HOW could I have been so _STUPID_?" And then it passes, almost as quickly as it hit. It's really an amazing thing, and I don't know what to make of it. It's been happening for about ten years (I think it takes that much of your adult life to accumulate a sufficient number of experiences for some of them to start springing like bogeymen from the closets of your subconcious), and I honestly can't say if it's a good or bad thing. These "spasms" are unpleasant enough that I am given pause, at certain critical junctures, and perhaps choose more carefully what I am going to do. But the way they hit me, like a seizure and a panic attack all compressed into about two seconds, is something that mystifies me still. They seem apropos to nothing contemporary in my life, have no trigger that I can identify, and don't last long enough for me to take any great notice.
Is this a "shame attack"? I don't know. Does it sound familiar?
> This week I am having shame attacks. They're sort of like panic attacks in that they seem to come without reason. All of the sudden, I just feel all the physical sensations of shame. Burning cheeks, wanting to hide my face and all. At first they came with some OCD type nonspecific thoughts, but now the shame just comes on its own. I am even waking up in the middle of the night feeling shame.
> All in all it's not that bad, especially now that I am not having any accompanying thoughts. It beats anxiety and depression. It's just weird to see how my brain misfunctions sometimes. I can just see all those "shame" neurons happily firing away.
poster:Adam
thread:13304
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13809.html