Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2001, at 17:03:20
Well, after two weeks on my new dosage of Depakote,I can really say it's working. I am feeling virtually no anxiety or agitation, haven't taken Klonopin for days, and am sleeping just fine. I also don't feel stupid or foggy.
Depakote also seems to be increasing my natural tendencies to dissociate and to feel unconnected to other people, as well as to myself. I am getting the unsettling feeling that everything around me is a movie almost constantly.
Now that I am no longer grounded by anxiety and agitation, I am feeling more and more like an As-If person, an empty shell going about the activities of living.
Is it better to feel miserable but alive? Is there life without anxiety and depression? What can fill that empty space? Is it the anxiety and agitation I miss or the other things that Depakote may have affected? My therapist had a hard time staying awake in session today. I told him that if he could remember that feeling of incredible boredom, he would have a pretty good idea of how I'm feeling this last week or so.
I feel incredibly perverse not to feel grateful that the constant anxiety is gone. How can I possibly miss it? Maybe I just need to learn new ways to function without an overactive nervous system.
poster:Dinah
thread:13624
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13624.html