Posted by sar on August 20, 2001, at 0:51:09
In reply to the image of a sun setting.... » sar, posted by kid_A on August 19, 2001, at 14:45:17
kid_A,
that's a philosophy i can certainly appreciate and try to practice. i can hear mick jagger singing now in my head, "i got no expectations..."
i wouldn't want him to have expectations of me at this point, either. it's just that this jive-yness has been going on over a year now, and now that he's shown me his more sensitive side i feel i've fallen hard, and i am frightened. i am frightened because i don't know how he feels. i always wish that other people would wear like post-it signs on their shirt saying how they feel...he doesn't know how i feel either...
i used to sing along with this janis joplin song called "get it while you can." her philosophy was there's no tomorrow, only today, grab whatever love you can and enjoy it while you can. but my mood has shifted. i want what i really want. something genuine.
i'm so scared i could cry. for awhile i wanted to be gay so that i wouldn't have to deal with all this male sketchiness. i regret not being a lesbian or even bi. i'm too sensitive. if he lets me down--
see, i've ceased to believe that men have any romance in them. i did have one boyfriend who truly loved me and we were together for years, but the others have been--unreliable, drug addicts, only after one thing--etc...
do men really care? i don't understand. do they keep caring? aside from that, my self-esteem is so low that i can't understand that anyone might feel the same way about me.
i'm in reparation now emotionally, and this seems like--heartache or something wonderful, and i can't decide.
poster:sar
thread:9858
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010817/msgs/9954.html