Posted by Simcha on August 3, 2001, at 7:36:31
In reply to The Virtue of Selfishness..., posted by Kingfish on August 2, 2001, at 8:47:42
I am a member of Al-Anon. As such this program has taught me how to detach with love.
I'll try to explain.
When I am caretaking I'm being selfish in a misdirected way. I am taking care of someone else to escape my life. I am abusing another by doing things for them that they can do for themselves so that I do not have to attend to my own life. I neglect my life. My life becomes very unmanageable. I am actually hurting the people I caretake because they don't get the chance to learn how to take care of themselves. They become unaware of what their actions do in the world. I am also hurting myself because I'm neglecting my needs.
In Al-Anon we have a saying, "Let it begin with me." It is a philosophy that says that I need to take care of myself first. If I have something left over to give and if someone asks for my help I can give something to someone else. In this way I am acting out of love and compassion and not a selfish need to escape my own life. I'm also not acting out of guilt. It's true altruism at that point. Since my needs are taken care of by me I have something left to give. When I give from this space it is truly love and not abuse.
Basically it boils down to this. How can I love someone else if I don't love myself? And how can someone else love me if I don't love myself? Let it begin with me.....
> the sacredness of the individual versus the good of the whole.
>
> Where does everyone stand?
>
> I, personally, find a balance between the two to have the most satisfying outcome.
>
> (And can this be an amicable discussion?)
> - K.
poster:Simcha
thread:8577
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010731/msgs/8631.html