Posted by shelliR on July 19, 2001, at 23:01:10
In reply to Re: How do I get over this?, posted by ljasak on July 19, 2001, at 16:33:35
> I feel so guilty talking about this "out of context," but sometimes I feel so ashamed after she's pointed out how she perceives me as having behaved when relating a situation to her. e.g., when describing a situation in which I had difficulty relating, interacting, etc. w/ other people, she said that I gave the impression of having relationships w/ other people, but that I was actually behaving like a cipher. Maybe this is true -- maybe I really don't connect w/ other people but just keep myself aloof thinking that others will do all the work in the relationship, but it kills me to be refered to as a "cipher." I feel mortified to think that that's the impression I'm giving her, and giving the entire world -- might as well wear a bag over my head.
I've never actually ever heard anyone refer to someone as a cipher, but I suppose it couldn't have very good connotations. I think you need to figure out if (aside from hurting and humiliating you), your therapist has actually helped you. If she hasn't, I'd get out of that situation fast.
If she has helped you, and you see some potential in your work together, then you need to let her know how you feel when she gives you this type of feedback. There are times I feel humiliated and full of shame in therapy, but rarely as a result of what my therapist has said to me. In the few cases where it has happened, it was so painful that I said, "I need to leave right now." But then she would encourage me to stay and we would talk about what happened, and I would know that I either had misinterpreted what she had said, or that she had said something that was in no way meant to hurt me--that she hadn't been aware of my vulnerability around a certain issue.
I think what is important is that you feel humiliated by your therapist, and that should not be happening. I hope you are able to talk to her about it, and able to leave if it is not resolved. There's lots of therapists out there; you don't want to be working with one that you don't feel is your ally.
Best wishes,
Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:5681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7669.html