Posted by paula on July 5, 2001, at 21:46:43
In reply to Getting tired of all this crap, posted by tina on July 4, 2001, at 9:05:00
Dear Tina,
I think someone else recently wrote (maybe under "is suicide ever rational?") that you should try absolutely everything before giving up.
I know I don't have the same level of pain that you do, but for me the last-ditch effort was actually seeking the proverbial professional help. And then talking to my professors, telling them I've got a problem, taking incompletes--basically laying myself bare in a way that I found absolutely mortifying. The interesting thing is that it's ended up being a best-case scenario rather than a worst-case. No one could support me until I let them know that I needed support. I hate those catch-22s!!
You ask if there's a point. For me it's always been a question of doing my duty...for the universe, the community, the Tao, God--call it/her/him what you will. For me that has meant "fulfilling my potential." (God that's a cheesy way to put it.) Although I could be perfectly "content" sitting on the couch trying not to exist for the rest of my life, that does not take care of the responsibililty I have towards the community at large. This worked for me because it took volition--and the pursuit of pleasure--out of the equation completely. It's not enough for me to want to do something--that's never a good enough reason. But if others are depending on me, then I can motivate a little better. (It's ended up being an incredibly convoluted way of getting myself to follow my own bliss without realizing it.)
I'm not sure this makes any sense at all. (I'm still new at talking "out loud" about this stuff.) Whaddya think?
Hope you're feeling better today!
Paula
> When does one know when it is time to give up?
> My family has always said I give up too easily but I've been dealing with and fighting this anxiety and depression for 12 years. Should I give up now? I'm just so tired of it. The panic attacks are coming more frequently and at a higher intensity, I'm having strange images flashing into my mind accompanied by violent thoughts of self-mutilation and death, the depression is a dark cloud barring my way into or out of everything and I can't leave my house without extreme fear and discomfort.
> The meds I take don't work anymore. I've been taking them for nearly 7 months.
> Can I give up now? Have I tried enough?
> I want to be normal. I want to live without fear, without pain. I can't stand this weakness and cowardice anymore but I can't stop it either. How do I go on fighting? Is there a point to it? Maybe it will never get better? And if it does, will it last or will I be right back here in the black hole yet again?
poster:paula
thread:7060
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010628/msgs/7106.html