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Re: Why should i go on?...because you want to.

Posted by annalaura on July 3, 2001, at 4:24:59

In reply to Re: Why should i go on?...because you want to. » annalaura, posted by kazoo on July 3, 2001, at 0:49:00

> > I'm sick and tired of wearing the "everything- it's -fine" mask every single day.
> ^^^^^^^^^^
> Then take it off and allow others to see that person underneath the mask ... let them see the "real" you. Do you think they will like what they "see"? Don't base your peace of mind in making others happy. This never works.
>
> I'm sick and tired of wearing the "everything- it's -fine" mask every single day.
^^^^^^^^^^
Then take it off and allow others to see that person underneath the mask ... let them see the "real" you. Do you think they will like what they "see"? Don't base your peace of mind in making others happy. This never works.

I'm not scared to reveal my real self: thanks god i'm not an adolescent anymore. I'm comfortable about myself not wearing the mask 'cause i learned to accept myself.
The point i was trying to make was that since people don't understand mental illness, they usually bother you with phrases like :"It's because , you're weak/childlish" etc.., and i don't want to hear that c*** anymore, would you?

> > I'm sick and tired of listening to the other people problems when nobody is listening to me.
> ^^^^^^^^^^
> As I'm sure they're equally "sick and tired" of listening to you; however, you're missing the real beauty of this. By listening to others, you can understand yourself better ... and you'll be doing a kind of "dual-service": helping yourself while helping others. Isn't that wonderful? Isn't that what it's all about?
>
No way pal, they're not sick and tired of listening to me 'cause i'm regarded as being a supportive person in my community; The problem is that sometimes people are taking this for granted and come to me and talk just about their problems : yes, it's probablly my fault, this happens because i let it happen, but nonetheless, i don't have any feed-back on my problems, and this is definetely not my fault/provoked by me. The truth is that too often people are taking advantage of you: i personally think i'm way long for being perfect, i have a lot of flaws (i'm a human being), but i don't take advantage of people that way, may be because i learned humanity trough the depression experience like Sar said. If you're still believing all people are good, well wake up and get out from your golden dream: this is real life.
>
> > I'm tired of lying to friends, always finding an excuse for not going out/hanging out with them.
> ^^^^^^^^^^
> Then seek out those who do what you do, or want to do, but remember: you reap what you sow.

I didn't understand this reply, may be because you didn't understand the point i was trying to make. Or may be you should take a deeeep breath and rest a while. Consider this: your rage is suggesting you what to say, pal.
>
> > I'm tired of smiling. I wish i could scream, i wish i could tell everybody i'm sick.
> ^^^^^^^^^^
> In Anatomy 101 at UCONN, I learned that you use less energy to smile because the act itself involves less facial muscular movement. Screaming doesn't become you, my dear, nor anyone else.
>

I'm glad you studied anatomy, still, i don't see the point, my friend.
You know, i studied anatomy of the nervous system and i learned that a little gland inside your head called amygdala which belongs to the ancient part of the brain, the lymbic system (the prehistoric man brain, essentially) is controlling the rage reactions : may be yours is swollen, probablly because you have been using it too much.

> > ... i'm 32
> ^^^^^^^^^^
> Just 32 and already "sick and tired." This is not good but this can change if you want it to. Stand fast!
>
"You can control it just because you want to": the same old song! This is just a myth. Last winter i was getting psychotic again, felt my legs were made of plastic. If i swallowed some food i would puke right after that: try to control this if you can, pal. May be you have never been that sick: lucky you.

> (PERSONAL SIDE NOTE: find out why it's always "sick and tired" and never "tired and sick.")
>
PERSONAL SIDE NOTE: english is not my language, posting from oversea, didn't get this, sorry.

> You have the gift of being alive during the most incredible period of human history ... have you ever wondered why you were "chosen" to be alive at this particular time, sitting in front of a cathode-ray tube reading a message from a "kazoo"?
>
Why is this period of history supposed to be so attractive? We're destroying our natural environment, and the first world is full of selfish little bastards not giving a damn about poor people laying in the streets. Ther's an epidemy out there of an illness called AIDS: one out of ten is suffering from that in Africa, my ex-fianceé caught the virus. I've been watching people die man; but perhaps you're wearing pink glasses or having been taking too much ecstasy to realize this world is flushing itself down the toilet?

As far as the reading Kazoo is concerned, he was supposed to be a little bit more supportive than that. He 's being the devil advocate using the very same arguments of the beast i'm trying to defeat.
And, no, i'm no way lucky for receiving this post: now i feel worse than i was before.


> Seize the time and relish it.

Yes, CARPE DIEM : just supermarket philosophy for tiny little brains. I've been trying to tame the beast for a decade and the CARPE DIEM philosophy didn't help much, especially if you're anhedonic and not feeling anything whatsoever. What are you supposed to catch? What else beyond your own boredom?


>
> "Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death." Auntie Mame
>
> k-a-z-00
>
>
Yes, once upon a time my life was a banquet too.... ( Read "a season in hell" by Arthur Rimbaud, may be you'd benefit from it) I used to say that too. It seems like centuries ago, when i believed that the banquet of life was at my reach and i just needed to catch it.

I just needed to unbosom myself by expressing my pessimism, which was temporary anyway, most of the times i fight and fight: i'm not thinking about death every single moment of my life. I've learned from your post i can't do that instead; i just wanted to reveal my inner thoughts, to unleash, let myself go, throwing the mask away: now i realize gotta be wearing the mask instead, while sitting in front of a cathode-ray tube reading a message from Kazoo.


Anna Laura


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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010628/msgs/7017.html