Posted by Wendy B. on June 10, 2001, at 22:20:19
In reply to Re: To Glenn re: love, posted by JennyR on June 9, 2001, at 22:04:44
> > P.S. I am still not clear on one thing. Are you
> > still married to him.
>
> Yes, still married for 16 1/2 years, but rather unhappy and feel stuck and feel like I'm giving it my last ditch effort.
> I guess my point really was, when it comes to the question of do you follow your heart or your mind to know if it's love, your emotional gut reaction of being drawn to someone might feel strong, but might be because they meet some uncounscious need, or keep you from facing things in yourself. And the other person might be doing the same thing. So that gut feeling, maybe it's right, maybe it's not. But I definitely think if our head and our heart are at odds, that person can't be right for us from the start.
> If your mind is telling you something incongruent with what your heart is telling you, I think that's a danger sign. It has to feel right all around, and you have to really know yourself well.Hi Jenny & Glenn,
Before this thread dies, and I hope it doesn't, I thought I'd add my Thought for the Day (or Evening, as the case may be):
I was out for a walk with a wonderful new/old friend yesterday, on a path alongside a reservoir near here, a gorgeous day. New/old friend because we have known each other since 1979, ended up at the same university after coincidentally attending the same two previous to that, but never seeing each other since about 1983. I walked past him at a music festival last weekend, and he saw me and recognized me and said "Wendy B_____." I recognized his face, but not his name, but then did after he said it.
Now, I was amazed he remembered me, and my name (my therapist wonders why I'm amazed), and we chatted and set up a time to walk his dog at the reservoir. All of which leading up to us having a nice long talk, reviewing our recent cataclysmic love affairs. Come to find out, we'd both been involved with partners with rather intense cases of bipolar illness. Not that either of us was without problems (he-drugs, me-depression)...
But something he said hit a nerve, rung a bell, whatever: he said, my theory is that when we fall in love, the thing that most attracts us about the person in the first instance, is the very thing about them that drives us crazy in the end. Or my variable: the personality traits that we initially love about the other turn into the very qualities that become impossible for us to live with later on.
And of course, in my world, these relationships we get into with such initial passion, always do seem to fall apart... Why? I wonder. Is it because passion just can't be maintained for the long haul? I really hate thinking that, I want to think that yes, it >could< last. But after so many bad relationships (or were they bad choices?), I have to ask myself again about love, lust, longing, passion, stability, etc. I have to think again, after I thought I had it down, dammit, about what I want, and why the last relationship so hideously crashed down around me...
Sorry to ramble in this depressive way, though I hope I've added something useful to the conversation...W the B
poster:Wendy B.
thread:6273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6393.html