Posted by Adam on June 5, 2001, at 12:09:26
In reply to Romantic love: What is it, really?, posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 3, 2001, at 0:55:43
I think there is this unfortunate disconnect in the popular conception of love and "where it comes from", as if a human emotion will, at various stages or in various forms, exude from some place cerebral, visceral, cardiac, or even etherial. I know and you know these are just metaphors, but potent ones in our "popular culture" and delusiory ones, if you ask me.
What are the relative merits and deficits of the sundry "loves", erotic, platonic, eros, agape, etc., and so on, ad nauseum, ad absurdum? Since any given love relationship will fluctuate, at times wildly, in its character and motivation, I see it as useless to try to isolate "romantic love" from any other form of love as the great thinkers have defined them. Love, or what is or should be expected of love, varies to such a large degree among individuals and cultures, I have become rather suspect of the idea of "true love" and its status as the pinnacle of experience. There has always been, and will always be, the kinds of unions that, at best, bring something more to people than they would have had without them.
All love is the product of the mind. We do, at times, think with our sexual organs, but remember the brain is the biggest sexual organ, and the most important. If anyone asked me "is this love right?", I'd ask them back, "well, are you happy?" If the answer is "Yes!", then I really could care less what stamp CS Lewis would put on that person's sentiments. Analysis and value judgement are now pointless: They are happy, god bless 'em. If the answer is "No," then all I could offer is "Find out why." If the reason is depression, get that treated, and see how things go. If the reason is that other person just isn't the right one, who on Earth knows why, then there's only one thing to do: Search elsewhere. This "gut feeling" people talk about is nothing more than the accumulation of dissatisfactions one has with the other person, which they can no longer suppress or ignore.
There's no way to define what love is, what it should be, what it's proper course will follow. Use your head, but not too much. Forget about your gut and other organs. They work essentially on their own, unless you want the controll of a yogi. I sure don't, or don't see the need.
> I get get mixed up when it comes to romantic
> love. I want to go with my gut, but people
> tell me that that just isn't rational; if you
> go with your heart and gut more than using the
> mind, then one is being irrational and that
> love is not a "gut and heart thing", they say,
> but rather one loves mainly with the brain.
> In other words, the intellect rules over the
> heart when it comes to true romantic love.
>
> Glenn
>
poster:Adam
thread:6273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6299.html