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Re: Mirror anxiety -- Dissociation?

Posted by mila on April 14, 2001, at 20:50:51

In reply to Re: Mirror anxiety -- Dissociation?, posted by Pari on April 14, 2001, at 1:55:08

Dear Pari,

whew, i am so... OK... with that tonight you chose to live. Ahh..

Whenever I fall into a guilt trap, I try to get out of it by any means possible. for somehow it leads to a circular thinking. others become the main point of reference. I feel guilty if I die because of them, and if I die I prove to them (again) that I chose what's best for me and not for them. In both cases there is some dialogue with them going on.

It helps me to think that my suicide will kill only me; it can shake them, slap them, leave some pain in their hearts, but it won't kill them. I am the only one who will get a full impact. This stresses out my power over myself to the ultimate degree, and, alas, lets me know that I am rather powerless over other people's happiness. I can contribute to it, but I cannot really rob them from it. The reverse is also true.


mila


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