Posted by Todd on March 31, 2001, at 2:26:49
In reply to Re: Meds are only a TOOL, posted by Eric on March 30, 2001, at 12:02:10
Hi, Eric. I have to admire the fire in you, but you are sounding really arrogant. No problem, I get arrogant too. And if I come off as arrogant now, it is not intended. Well, maybe just a little. But I sincerely post this with a will to bring us all together here. I want to point out something important that you may not have noticed in my last post. I re-read it to be sure. In not one place did I ever hint that meds are useless. Never did I hint that psychotherapy is the only solution. I also did not suggest that those of us who post on this board suffer from a mere case of "the blues." You came to those conclusions about me on your own, because of your own biases. Allow me to elaborate:
> You dont know what you are talking about. We >are specifically discussing severe forms of >mental illness...major depression, bipolar manic >depression, paranoid schizophrenia, severe OCD, >etc. We are not talking about situational >depression here or even dysthymia. Im not >talking about the kind of "pain" life is >normally fraught with if you are healthy and >free of mental illness.
I know exactly what I'm talking about. I wouldn't be talking if I didn't have something important to say. I acknowledge that you have something important to say, and I'm challenging it.
> Obviously you have never been severely mentally >ill before or you are in denial of your >problems. For severe forms of mental illness >meds are not a "crutch" they are the foundation >of recovery.Obviously? What's so obvious? That I sometimes speak with seemingly empty platitudes that smack of Pollyanna-ishness? I acknowledge that, and can understand why you may have reacted in such a way. But the key word here is "react." Without considering for a moment who you might be speaking to. Do you think that people without the burden of serious mental illness would be regularly posting to this board? I am BIPOLAR, Eric. Certifiably mentally ill. Had a full-blown mania that simmered and boiled over unchecked for weeks. Ran up my credit cards, felt like Superman blended with Casanova, got a restraining order placed on me, slept two hours a night if I was lucky, experienced all sorts of spiritual insights and made a gazillion connections seemingly at the speed of light until I truly felt I was Jesus, lost twenty pounds (and I was already pretty lean at the time) and fed off my own energy until I thought I could control my own heartbeat with the power of my mind. I was reduced to a babbling idiot trying to speak all of my thoughts to the world as fast as I could think them. Which, as anyone who has been manic before knows, is truly impossible. Thoughts get cut off mid-sentence while your mind spins off on another tangent. That's SERIOUS shit, Eric. Thank God my friends and family cared enough to send police to my apartment to drag me to a waiting ambulance, or I could have fried my brain for good. I spent five weeks in the hospital and have been on Lithobid ever since. Lithium is a GODSEND to me. I have never experienced soul-crushing depressions for any great length of time, for which I am eternally grateful, but I have had my legs in those waters long enough to know that I don't wish that kind of hell on anyone. Most of my life has been lived with an underlying dysthymia that from time to time starts to pull me under. Somehow I usually manage to keep my head above water, though, and that's why I post here.
> Got a severe form of mental illness? Without >meds you are screwed and up the river...most >likely you will end up disabled.
You're absolutely right here, Eric. I just took 600mg of Lithobid about a half hour ago, and will continue to take it until someday in the future when I am either crazy enough or informed enough to stop. That day may never come. I enjoy my sanity far too much to take foolish risks with my health.
That said, I still FIRMLY believe that meds are not THE answer to a life of richness, beauty, and fulfillment. Meds are only a tool, as are psychotherapists. Even your own mental illness can be a tool. All tools towards understanding yourself and creating what YOU want in life. Sounds like the psychotherapists you have dealt with are less than favorable. There are a lot of idiots out there who think they can read a few books, get a few degrees, and heal the world. They don't have the experience of swimming laps in their own pool of darkness, and are really useless. I really encourage you to take the time and find a GOOD psychotherapist, one who has been there and continues to go there. One who can teach you about the subconscious fears that eat you and whittle you down and be there with you as you confront them. And yes, one that can teach you how to love yourself. Not a gooey, bubblegum, pansyass love. The kind of loving yourself that allows you to be who you are without judging yourself, the kind of loving yourself that gives you permission to tackle your deepest fears so that you can go after what you really want in life.
My road to self-understanding winds out in front of me everyday. I have a lot of ideas about how we can heal ourselves, and they are grounded in my own experience. I've spent my whole life trying to understand myself and my processes, and thus far, with the help of a gifted psychotherapist, I've discovered some deep truths that I am inclined to believe are universal. And although my issues are not necessarily yours or anyone else's, I believe our processes are similar. We all need to whittle away at our fears and re-acquaint ourselves with who we really are.
Are we back on track here?
Peace and love.
Todd
poster:Todd
thread:5334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010324/msgs/5417.html