Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2011, at 12:23:16
In reply to update, posted by pegasus on December 22, 2011, at 10:39:30
I'm glad you came to a good place with him. :)
I suppose I may be vaguely troubled that his emphasis on your response was on him. That it felt good to be cared about. Was there a reason based on *your* benefit that he shared this with you? Did he think it would further *your* therapy? Did he give you permission to be selfish and unreasonable about things he discloses, should they ever make you feel that way?
As I said, my therapist sometimes tells me more than I need to know. The main reason is that I can generally tell when something's wrong with him, and he's found it better to tell me straight out and let me know it's nothing I've done. Occasionally in doing that, because we're comfortable together, he briefly relaxes and gives me more information than he needs to. But he always catches himself fairly quickly and remembers that therapy isn't about him. (And I can generally be relied upon to help him remember that I am happy to act as his friend. But I don't pay my friends $2 a minute to spend time with them.) He always recognize that my response may well be about me, if what he says upsets me.
I think it may be therapeutically beneficial in helping me see him more realistically. But I'm not at all sure he planned that benefit.
When your therapist told you how much he appreciated your distress for him, did you feel pressured not to respond in a less pleasing way?
I admit there was one time when there was a role reversing session. His therapist had killed himself, and he knew that I would understand more than anyone else he knew. And of course I did, and put on my Babble Dinah hat instead of my unreasonable and childish Dinah hat (or bonnet). I even invited him to Babble, though I then rescinded the invitation. I knew you guys would also understand. But worlds should not collide. However, that was a one time event in fifteen years of therapy.
I don't mean in any way to lessen what happened this session. It sounds like a wonderful session. I just wanted to raise the possibility that it's better in theory to have reciprocal emotional intimacy with a therapist than it is in reality. Nothing to worry about at this point. But you might want to keep some awareness going forward.
poster:Dinah
thread:1004940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1005486.html