Posted by pegasus on December 22, 2011, at 10:39:30
In reply to Maybe TMI from T?, posted by pegasus on December 14, 2011, at 12:11:20
It was a good session. These kinds of difficult sessions do tend to lead to good ones, with a good T. First we talked about how hard it is for me to have an honest discussion with him about my reactions to his tragedy. We covered all of the expected territory, about how the reason we're there is to help me, he really wanted me to tell him, etc.
So, when I felt like I had sufficient permission, I told him. It seemed good to talk about it. He was all excited that I was willing to tell him all of this stuff. It felt uncomfortable, though, to have someone all excited about a conversation that was so painful for me.
We talked about why he told me this stuff in the first place, but now I can't reconstruct his argument. I remember that he said he thought about it before he did it, and he knew he was taking a risk. And he worried all weekend that he had made a mistake.
At this point, I think maybe he told me too much too soon, and it did tip me into a painful reaction that took up a lot of my week. So, I guess that was a mistake. Maybe my reaction was worse because I was in physical pain myself, and so had less resources for dealing. But I also feel closer to him now, and that's a really good thing. I told him he was important to me and I cared about him and it hurt my heart to hear about such a horrible thing in his life. And he told me that I was important to him, and he has cared about me for a long time, and my sympathetic reaction makes him feel very cared about. I tried so hard to take that in. It got further in that usual, but I'm still holding it at a distance.
I'm supposed to consider what we talked about regarding how/why my reaction developed the way it did. But I can't remember the summary of that now. I'll try to remember, or reconstruct it. He said that, knowing what he knows about my past, he can completely understand how I could end up reacting the way I did, and he can almost feel my reaction himself. I said I don't want him to have to feel it, but he said that he finds it gratifying to empathize with someone that way.
So. That's where we are now. Pretty good place, I think. Very workable.
- P
poster:pegasus
thread:1004940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1005390.html