Posted by pegasus on January 10, 2011, at 16:53:20
In reply to My story - long, posted by Daisym on January 5, 2011, at 1:47:09
Daisy,
I'm so sorry to have missed this thread until now. I think I get how humiliating this whole thing can be. You need him to be able to trust you, as much as you need to trust him. His repeatedly reminding you of boundaries that you have no intention of crossing (except maybe in very unconscious fantasies) feels like a lack of trust. How hurtful to have a message that he has uneasiness about those boundaries! It's not clear to me whether his uneasiness is about him holding his side of the boundary, or you holding yours, or both. I see that you feel he is uneasy about your honoring your side. But of course it's torturous to discuss either way.
Your question about whether it's helpful to have unearthed and forced a close examination of this particular fantasy is interesting to me as well. Maybe it will be useful in the end, but oh how painful in the meantime! At the moment I lean toward thinking that perhaps it might have been better for you if he had kept his unnecessary reminders to himself.
Please let us know what comes of this for you.
- P
poster:pegasus
thread:975869
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101228/msgs/976473.html