Posted by stargazer2 on May 23, 2010, at 0:39:16
I'm reading some of the posts here realizing the majority of the posters are in therapy but since I'm not, I decided to post anyway, as what I am thinking is just general feelings stuff, but not related to meds, where I usually post.
I have a long history of depression (30+), have been on meds for 20+ years and in therapy at various times in my life.
My current situation involves my negative thinking that is so overwhelming that basically everything that comes into my mind is negative and all I find myself saying to myself is "how does anyone want to live in this world today with all the bad stuff that is going." Along with that are thoughts that I would be better off dead and wish it was easy to get to that point. I really don't understand why people fight so hard to live when all I want to do is die.
Does anyone else have these constant thoughts and do you tell others about them or do you only tell your therapist?
I know that when you are this negative, it is understood that no one wants to hear it and mostly in the past I have kept these feeling to myself, as I know they are not mainstream or acceptable feelings, outside of a therapists office. I have spent years of pretending I was fine, not revealing all of my negative thoughts and the few times I have, people get freaked out.
Is being this honest with feeling a definate no-no in society today? I haven't been this negative lately , so I'm not sure today as it seems as though everyone tells everything to anyone. I am avoiding social contact because of how negative I am feeling. Are these thoughts normal? They seem like the truth to me.
As a child, I was taught to only say something if it was positive and I was essentially a mute child. I had early negativity too. Sad childhood, from what I remember.
I hope some of you can understand what I am going through. I think when I first saw a therapist it was basically for some of the same feelings I am having now.
poster:stargazer2
thread:948384
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/948384.html