Posted by Daisym on December 7, 2009, at 1:21:24
In reply to Re: Ha Ha -- the joke is on me » Daisym, posted by TherapyGirl on December 4, 2009, at 12:55:47
I'm glad you are feeling better - I hope this is true and you really are. I guess the room being made was perhaps for another dog - who would have guessed?
No one can tell you whether to go or not to your final sessions. But I think if it were me, I wouldn't go. Instead, I'd write two letters. One expressing all the angry, let down and upset feelings about the way termination has been handled and another, expressing all the love and nostalgia and grief about your work together. It feels like they are such separate and competing feelings. Put it all down - as angry and demanding and unkind as you want. Keeping the letters separate means you don't have to apologize or soften or take it back or even own it any way. Let yourself be fully and truly angry. You can decide whether to mail one or both or none - but at least you'd get down on paper what you need to say. And if it were me, I'd ask for a "final chapter." Something written by her to you, that you can keep and hold. My fingers are crossed that she could do this for you and make it meaningful. But the face to face interactions seem to be destroying the internalized T you hold, and nothing is worth that.
I can't help but think about how much pain your T must be in and how much her world must have been rocked to have changed this much. It sounds like she is suffering her own depression and even existential crisis. That doesn't excuse her but when you write, "where is my T?" I think, she seems to have disappeared into her grief. How sad.
But this is one of those times where you take what you've learned from her - which is to take care of yourself. Keep doing that. I think you are on the right track by adding things to love to your life.
Take care.
poster:Daisym
thread:927957
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091022/msgs/928403.html