Posted by onceupon on September 10, 2009, at 22:57:17
In reply to Re: Any good books on parenting? » onceupon, posted by floatingbridge on September 8, 2009, at 23:47:45
Looks like an intriguing book. I added it to my list of "want to reads" - which is way too long, but oh well.
FWIW, knowing that you're mindful of your son's emotional life tells me that you're probably well on your way toward, if not already, acting as a 'good enough' parent.
And oh, how I get not knowing how to deal with feelings and feeling incompetent as a mother. My son is 2 1/2, and some days I honestly get by on fantasizing about living *by myself* in an apartment somewhere, where I don't have to deal with the whiny, screamy, hair-trigger tantrumy behavior one more minute. Or with the accompanying behaviors of my husband which irritate me to no end.
The triggers are so hard too. My parents (my mother especially) dealt with feeling overwhelmed and angry by lashing out at us kids. A chill runs down my spine when I hear myself yelling, or even speaking abruptly with my son because it is so my mother's voice. When we go through bad periods (like you, I totally have the good interspersed with the bad), I live in terror that some day my anger will erupt and I'll just snap and hit him, even though I've sworn up and down that I will *never* hit my child, having experienced the short end of the stick on that one as a kid.
I hate feeling like I'm parenting out of fear. Most days I'm not. I can feel level-headed and patient. And then some days I need to leave the room because I get so terrified by what feels like out of control anger. My therapist tells me that, even though I experience the impulse to lash out, the fact that I keep myself from acting on it over and over again, is what's really important. I try my best to believe her. My husband, his parents, heck, even my parents tell me I'm a "good mom" - whatever that might mean. But, like you, I just don't buy it. For me, that's partially because I think to myself, "If they only knew..." and fill it in with whatever horrifying thought or feeling I've recently had.
It's really freaking hard, isn't it? I wish I had some girlfriends IRL that I trusted enough to talk with about this stuff. For now, though, thanks so much for sharing your own struggles and for giving me the courage to write a little bit about my own. If you ever want to talk further, just let me know. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
poster:onceupon
thread:916007
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/916452.html