Posted by B2chica on April 6, 2009, at 12:47:48
since feb. my T and i have been a little "off" and i've only seen her i think three times. (instead of once a week)
there was a schedule snafu, my being sick, her being sick and lately she took some time off.i know we're both human and stuff comes up. but it seems the timing really sucked. because it was the first week in feb that i started having all kinds of things come up that i Really wanted to talk with her about. after the first 'snafu', i was frustrated and closed up and decided not to talk. the next week i saw her but i had an OB appt so i choose not to discuss hard stuff.
then i didn't see her till march, by then several other things happened but when i saw her i just didn't want to "get into it" in fear that i wouldn't see her again...i was right.now i am scheduled to see her tomorrow. but these last two months have been emotionally hard for me since i really have no friends and had no one to lean on. and last week i had (yet another) fight with DH and this time it hit me.
that instead of getting upset and hurt by things i need to either leave him or deal with it.
i dont want to leave him. he really is a wonderful person and i dont post enough of the nice stuff he does...here.
but i realized that when i'm in therapy talking about all the things that make me unhappy, that's all i do is dwell on the negative. i never get insight on how to change it. so i just need to deal with the way my DH is. he's terrible in crisis situations, and he's in terrible moods when he isn't able to work. he gets depressed and feels useless and takes it out on people around him. no it's not right...but that's just the way he is. again, leave or deal.
i've woken up and decided to just deal with it.BUT i've also take this attitude with all the other 'issues' in my life. since i haven't had anyone to share them or ask for help with. i've decided to just deal with the fact that i was not put on this earth to have it easy.
i struggle with Everything. that's just how my life has Always been and that's how it will always be and the sooner i accept that, the sooner i can move on.(??)now, about T.
i'm thinking too since i'm in my second trimester that i really dont want to "dig up" anything and it seems that she kinda evokes that in me.
So i think any crap/flashbacks, dreams, family cr@p that i have. i'm just going to 'suck up" and not deal with.i just can't seem to Want to open up to her again. not to mention now there's this constant fear of "will i get to see her next week?"
*********************i know that she is a good T and wants to help me. and has so far...but.
at this point i just dont think i can put myself out there.the problem i struggle with here is that if i just tell her that, she will just accept it and not argue even a little.
and another part of me Wants desperately to tell her EVERYTHING that's happened the last two months. but i know i dont have time and it Honestly probably wouldn't help things anyway...so here i am again. all bottled up, and even though i have a place to go, i truly feel i have no where to go.
poster:B2chica
thread:888982
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/888982.html