Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2008, at 23:13:40
In reply to Re: In the midst of it all, posted by Little Soul on December 30, 2008, at 22:55:08
I was just talking to my therapist today about how much easier it was now that I feel free to talk to him about him. When I found out he was getting married, I wasn't sure what that meant to me. Would he be going on a three month honeymoon cruise around the world? Now we're so comfortable with each other that I can flat out ask him anything, or tell him that I'm jealous of his nieces, or really anything.
I always figure it is better to talk about it, but I admit it is hard. It's taken me forever to get to this point.
Do you have any ideas on why you're having these feelings? Sometimes it's really obvious (like yes, I do wish he was my uncle). But sometimes it's not so obvious. I was totally obsessed with a dream I was having about him for a while. The dream was so out of keeping with my feelings about him. But once when I was describing the dream the words that came out of my mouth made it clear that the dream wasn't what it appeared to be about at all. It was a metaphor for something else entirely. What it actually was was no secret to me, but making the connection made the obsession less.
Do you think there could be some fears connected with her relationship? Are you afraid that her new relationship will take energy away from you? You noticed something was different. Was it different in a way that distressed you?
When my therapist got married, I dreamed that his bride to be told me he was a eunuch. We weren't on such terms then that it was easy to tell him about my dream. I think I held my hair over my face and looked away. I was pretty sure I knew why I was having the dream. I didn't think of him as a "man" and his getting married sort of thrust that into my notice. I was, in my dream, taking care of that problem.
Do you worry that your therapist is getting something from the new person in her life that she'll never get from you? Does it bring home the fact that you will never have a relationship outside therapy with her? Does it bother you that she's a real person who has a physical relationship and physical needs. (This really bothered me a lot, and I still manage to ignore it most of the time.)
I suppose what I'm saying is that even though even my therapist accuses me of overanalyzing things, I always find it easier to deal with my emotions if I take an interested and inquiring stance towards them. Why am I feeling this way? What does this mean to me?
Also you might have seen the book "In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists" mentioned at the top of this board. Lots of us have found this book enormously helpful to us in normalizing our feelings towards our therapists.
poster:Dinah
thread:871513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/871549.html