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Nasty week (suicide ideation TRIGGER)

Posted by Partlycloudy on November 25, 2008, at 15:46:28

The medication thing hasn't really worked out very well. Zoloft has not suited me at all, and I've gone into a depressive, and suicidal spiral. But, wait. I'm also on Remeron. So we (pdoc and I today at an emergency appointment) figure that somewhere along the recent line, that med pooped out. I knew I was in trouble these last few days as I increasingly became less able to function, and spent more time wrapped up in a blanket. Not able to tolerate noises, music, TV, any kind of sensory input at all. Just wanting a stopping of life's input. No plans to execute, I haven't that kind of imagination or energy. More of a big black hole, where I would welcome not waking up. Husband made an ill-timed remark about not wanting to come back from his next business trip to find me (very graphic image deleted - it was thoughtless of him and horrible, but it jolted me that he was afraid that something might actually happen to me while he was out of town). So I called my pdoc, told him what was up, and he gave me an appointment within hours.

My T is out of town.

This totally felt chemical, rather than part of my CSA processing. I DO think that the depression is PART of that, but I think pretty much that the medication changes my doctor initiated to help with the PTSD just plain didn't work out.

The good news is that tomorrow I'm starting back on Prozac, which had been helping my depression handily. I'll quickly taper off the Remeron (seems to be a moot point) which seems to have pooped out. I'm staying on the Xanax and the Ambien CR which have been a big help lately.

So, basically, I still feel totally sucky. Well, more so than before, really. But now I have to get through Turkey Day then my husband goes out of town, so I will probably be leaning on the boards kind of heavily.

 

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poster:Partlycloudy thread:865229
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