Posted by lucie lu on November 13, 2008, at 8:51:07
In reply to 'T' has has trouble staying awake during sessions, posted by maysie on November 13, 2008, at 0:55:25
Hi maysie,
You didn't say how long you'd been seeing him, but from what you're describing there is still a pretty profound lack of connection between you. That must be disappointing, given the difficult subjects you are trying to discuss with him. I'm sorry you have had so many things happen in your life to create such a heavy burden.
As to what to do, you could try talking to him face-on about the problem. Sometimes, even in a good T relationship, the early stages are marked by abortive attempts by one or both to connect, turning away, trying again, and then eventually something clicks and you finally connect. Then your work together focuses on strengthening that connection. So it sounds to me like you are still in that early stage, but it would seem appropriate to have a discussion about the course of your therapy if you haven't already. What are the goals of your therapy as you each envision them? And how does he plan on addressing these goals with you? What are his expectations for himself, for you, and for your mutual relationship? What is his orientation? Does he describe his approach as psychodynamic or psychoanalytic? These orientations are two (there are others) that really emphasize the importance of the therapeutic relationship. Others, e.g. CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy), are typically less focused in that direction. This is overly simplistic, a lot of T's describe themselves as eclectic and use a combination of approaches. And from the range of things people here have said, some CBT T's have a much warmer, more nurturing style than some dynamic or analytic T's, so there is an element of personal style within different approaches. But it sounds as though you are longing for a closer relationship, so it might be good to check with him whether this is something he feels he can provide. If not, then it is probably not a good match and you'd probably get farther with a more like-minded T, who'd be better suited to meeting your needs. And finally, what is the likely time frame? For long-term therapy, I think it is especially important that the therapist-client match is a good one. Whereas it is possible to achieve more narrowly-defined goals within a short-term course of therapy that may not require particular closeness with the therapist. But these are all things that seem worth talking about sooner rather than later with him. If you really are not on the same page, you might do well to try to find someone else. I know how difficult it is to talk so frankly about these things, especially to someone who you do not feel a connection with, when you feel vulnerable. It can be very hard to talk about your hopes, disappointments, fears, and needs. But IMO you do somehow need to check whether there is a reasonable chance these feelings, and your overall goals, can be accommodated and addressed with this T. Some T-client fits are simply better than others.
Look forward to learning more about you. Welcome to Babble!
Best,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:862737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/862776.html