Posted by lucie lu on September 29, 2008, at 17:23:26
In reply to What's the most inane conversation you've ever had, posted by seldomseen on September 26, 2008, at 17:59:56
Seldom,
I wrote a pretty wrong reply earlier and just realized it's not here - I must have deleted it! Damn! I am having a very bad time with my posting recently. This is the third time this week. Where is my head? Anyway, enough about me and my challenges.
While your thread title produced some playful responses (including mine), as I reread your post I realized how really pissed you are. I don't blame you either. My guess is that he kept asking you because he felt guilty and realized that you had every right to be annoyed with him. First, IMHO, he should never have mentioned to you that it belonged to another patient. To me, that is sort of creepy. And it leaves him protecting this previous patient (and himself) and not you, who should have been protected from an awkward situation like that. Second, it didn't sound from your account like he took much responsibility for his own poor response to the situation. That was a pretty stupid way for him to carry on - what if you had looked, what would he do? A brain drain? I think he should have apologized profusely, even if he didn't have the presence of mind to do it then, at least during the session. It disturbs me to think that he spent all his time on that hand-slapping business (which you're right, is insulting) instead of taking complete responsibility for making a mistake and then acting like an *ss on top of it.
Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago. As I was leaving, at the door I must have said or done something and my T visibly flinched. It was small and seemingly inconsequential, so much so that I thought I imagined the response and an inner sense of discomfort (rejection?) within me. I wasn't even going to bring it up, but at the next session, my T jumped right in before we started with a sincere apology, taking complete responsibility for the interaction, which he said was all him and not me. He never denied the incident or pretended that I didn't experience it. I felt validated, respected, valued, and we grew closer through that exchange. Plus he was modeling behavior that we are supposed to be learning in therapy - he did a great job of rupture reparation. That ended up being one of the more meaningful transactions we have had in therapy. All because he had the decency to produce a genuine apology and own his thoughts and actions.
I wish your T had done something like this but it sounds as though he didn't. Maybe he was just caught flat-footed. It happens. And maybe like mine, he will come in to the next session in better shape and prepared to do the decent thing. Hope so. If not, I think you should hold his feet to the fire on this one.
Sorry if this is choppy - my first version was totally eloquent (lol)
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:854263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854805.html