Posted by Quintal on September 20, 2008, at 13:38:13
In reply to Re: T thinks I might be shallow » Quintal, posted by raisinb on September 20, 2008, at 11:46:48
I think you're spot on. I find it hard to open up to other people. I curl up like a hedgehog and all they see is my prickly defenses. I don't think she knows I have a soft center. That's actually something I'd want to keep from her until I know she's trustworthy. I think what I've been doing is testing her, checking to make sure she's safe to open up to.
It's interesting you mention about emotional control. I do experience intesnse emotions, but I seem to have complete control of how they influence my behaviour, and it seems to confuse people. Apprently I show no emotion. At least if I don't have anything positive to show, I don't show anything. Years ago a psychiatric nurse complained (alomst pleaded with me) "You don't respond, you don't smile, you don't laugh, you don't say anything". This week another T-like person who comes out to see me told me I'm the most 'in control' person she sees. I'm proud of being able to control myself most of the time, but when it comes to initmacy it's a barrier.
I like your Ts idea of a second therapy going on after the session. This is what happens with me too. I don't think I make much progress in session (and this can't be very satisfying for her), but I do listen to everything she says - but more like taking notes as if I was in the audience at a lecture than a participant in therapy. It's only once I'm out of the room and I begin the 'post mortem' that therapy begins. I definately have problems responding in real time. I don't deal with being put on the spot very well, but you give me hope that things can change.
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:852950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853104.html