Posted by antigua3 on September 18, 2008, at 12:26:49
In reply to Re: Have you ever told your therapist... (trigger) » antigua3, posted by Daisym on September 18, 2008, at 0:22:19
With all due respect, you should try not to think about what he "deserves" from you. He's a T; it's his job and you are very special to him.
As to your question: No, my pdoc and I are not close enough for him to express any type of emotion to what I tell him about my father. If anything, this lack of emotion seems to magnify in my mind to his agreeing w/my father on things, which makes me feel shame. All part of the process; something to work on.
I don't think he would judge my father because he focuses more on the full reality of the man my father was. But at this point, he doesn't know the half of it. He knows my goal is to see my father clearly--the totality of him, the good and the bad, but he doesn't know or recognize the reality that my father was not a good man. It's not like he was generally a good man who did bad things. I happen to have this shameful love for him that is out of proportion to the reality of him. Yes, I agree that there were good things, and it's not that they are not important, but they shouldn't overwhelm my feelings.
One more thing. I now know what my feelings for my father should be. I recognize how it feels when I've resolved the displaced/transference feelings I've placed on people who bring forth my father. I think this is really interesting--to know how it should feel, but recognizing that I don't feel that way at all.
Take care Daisy,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:852198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852656.html