Posted by Racer on September 11, 2008, at 16:03:57
In reply to How do you ask for help?, posted by JayMac on September 10, 2008, at 18:12:17
I already know that interest rates are high at the Bank of Mom -- I used to joke that if I need to borrow five dollars from my mother, I'd ask for $500, since I'd have to go through the same distress with either one, I may as well get a decent pay out, you know?
And it's still possible to do it, and do it successfully -- that is, with a successful emotional outcome. One thing that always helped me was to reflect that she didn't understand my circumstances -- she has only had government jobs, and I was laid off in a recession with outrageous unemployment rates, for example. I also tried to remember that the emotional reaction on her part was her craziness, and not a real reflection on me. And I would try very hard to remind myself that there was no approach that could avoid that reaction from her, and resign myself to the discomfort to come.
Now, my mother is many different flavors of crazy, and your parents may be closer to normal. (My best girlfriend called the day my new boyfriend was about to meet my mother for the first time. She made me put her on speakerphone to tell him -- direct quote -- "If Racer has said her mother is crazy, I'll bet you're thinking everyone thinks their parents are crazy. In Racer's case, she's just telling you the truth.") Nonetheless, that wouldn't make it any less stressful. Out of all my strategies, I think preparing myself for a great deal of distress was possibly the most helpful.
In your case, you can also include the argument -- either to help you get through it, or to offer to them -- that the therapy will help you find a stronger psychological foundation for moving forward in your life. "My psychological challenges interfered with my career path -- resolving them will remove that obstacle to optimal success." I think that would help me, and maybe it will help you.
My last thought is a practical one: it helps if you prepare them ahead of time. If you're going to ask in person, call ahead and let them know you're going to ask them to lend you some money for therapy. If you're going to ask on the telephone, call and ask when it would be convenient for you to discuss borrowing some money? Sometimes that allows some of their reaction to dissipate before you actually have to talk to them.
Best luck at it. I hope you'll let us know how it turns out for you -- not only do we care, but we may learn something ourselves from it!
poster:Racer
thread:851397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851534.html