Posted by JayMac on September 10, 2008, at 18:12:17
How do I ask for help? How do you ask for help? I have a really difficult time with this subject.
Some background: I grew up in an environment where my emotional needs were rarely met. My mom would buy me things to show me she loved me (even though we didn't have any money), but I never really *connected* with her. She didn't really meet my emotional needs. So, that has made 90% of my relationships extremely painful. I can easily get what I WANT, but rarely do I get what I NEED.
So, in the present, I basically never ask for help. It's astounding that I even have a T, given my stance. I *hate* feeling soooo vulnerable. It's way toooooo painful to think that I might not get my needs met. I recently told my T (it's in another thread called money) that I am having a lot of financial difficulty and have to cut down my number of sessions. I can't stand to think that I will only see her once a week. My T originally wanted to see me 4 times a week, but that's impossible. My T was very serious during our whole session, and she suggested that I ask my family for help. She even went 15 minutes over our regular 45 minutes. So she gave me a full hour. I didn't realize it until I looked at the clock in my car. It shows she cares. And I know she cares, it's hard for me to understand why though.
I really really really really really really really do NOT want to ask my family for help. But I really really really really really really really really really really really really really NEED NEED NEED my T!!!
Asking my family for money is like asking a grizzly bear for some of their precious honey. I'm so afraid of getting hurt. It's paralyzing. I don't know why, but it's far easier for me to ask strangers for anything.
I feel so incredibly *guilty* for needing anything.
Any thoughts, words of encouragement, sharings of personal stories, opinions, jokes, or gestures would be appreciated.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Jay
poster:JayMac
thread:851397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/851397.html