Posted by susan47 on August 23, 2008, at 18:57:54
In reply to Re: The truth has come out. » rskontos, posted by Amanda29 on August 16, 2008, at 12:59:11
First of all, know that I am a person who understands how you feel about your therapist. I had a therapist and many people know my story (I think I am known as strange around here, which is actually okay with me, it's my natural self; constantly Changing ... remember that .. and so are you, as well.) What if you found out that Susan47 is really your therapist writing back to you? How would this post suddenly feel, make you change your response?
Loving your therapist (I assume you do love him) is really a response to what you see in him and what you want him to see in you. However, what you have to know is that what you want him to see is Already IN YOU. The fascination you feel with your t is really a fascination with what you see in yourself. And yes, you're lovable and the best way to undo the damage is to Get Well, and maybe you need some medication right now to help you think more clearly, as it sounds like you could be heading into a psychosis if you don't stop obsessing about all this, and soon. Your t may actually not be the things you think he is. If he is, he'll understand your desire to be loved by him, to be valued by him, as a human being, and if he's a good therapist he'll be able to hear what you're saying without running. But he might. And the fear that he might is what keeps you coming back to find him, and you will stop if you get the right help. Your brain might need help too right now, though. I would not hesitate to talk to someone else about this .. addiction.
I did the same thing with my therapist, phoning him endlessly, and although a lot of people would say I am/was crazy (and I am/was, indeed, being a borderline, which is a Good Thing because it's treatable with the Right Therapy!!!)
Good luck,
read Writing if you have any doubts, I'm plastered all over there, sometimes unwisely so.
I still hurt from my ex-T. I've even used his initials posting, given clues about where I live, because I want to be "Found Out" so badly.
But I cannot hate myself, I can only try to Understand.
Circumstances create each of us; we are all different.
But that doesn't mean we can't be Loving, and Kind.
Just don't kill anyone with loving kindness, including your T.
poster:susan47
thread:846266
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/847898.html