Posted by raisinb on August 1, 2008, at 15:54:10
BSD's thread above got me thinking. My therapist and I occasionally clash on this issue. If we're processing something in our relationship, she wants me to look at childhood connections. Like, "how did this feel when your mom did the same thing?" I typically respond, "well, I guess it must have felt..." because honestly, I can still feel the feelings, but just about her--I can't remember what it was like to feel them about my parents.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel little for my parents. I can't say I love them. I don't miss them. I don't look forward to seeing them. I don't think about them on a regular basis.
When my therapist shifts the discussion towards them, I analyze everything intellectually, but I get bored and feel nothing. It feels unproductive. So I resist, and she thinks I don't want to work in therapy. My best guess is that I gave up on my parents a long, long time ago and I find it impossible to go back. I will *agonize* if my therapist leaves for a week, but don't notice if I don't see my parents for months. In theory I think that's how therapy should be done--tracing trauma back to childhood. But it never seems to go anywhere for me. Maybe it is that my feelings seem part of me and unchangeable since I have been dealing with them all my life. They don't seem to come from a moment in the past, even though I know they did.
How do you guys feel about your families of origin? How is it talking about them in therapy? If you've experienced this issue, have you gotten around it, and how? Often when we reach this point, my therapist and I get stuck.
poster:raisinb
thread:843520
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843520.html