Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 24, 2008, at 8:13:38
I could write a novel about what has happened between myself and my t (5 years)...I went to him for a pretty unusual problem (he is also a pastor); my church voted me out of membership, and journeyed with for for 18 months while I fought the spirtually abusive system. That was over 4 years ago, but I have stayed with him.
Divorced after 31 years of abuse....
I fell in love with him, and we have discussed it so many times. Unfortunately he has discussed his feelings for me (in a lesser erotic way, LOL)
Case in point: (A few of his 100's of leading on commnts): "If I were not married, I would go for it. You are in my heart and in my head. If I gave you the green light, would you go for it?" He has given me so many green lights, I should be blind.
It is excruciating for me. He actually asked me if he had been leading me on (3 or 4 times); he actually said: "When this is over, I don't want you to have to say: He led me on, that ****ard....
SO; he KNOWS what he is doing and has done.
I know I should leave for my own sanity, but I don't want to just yet. I KNOW I should give him my: How dare you lead me on for YEARS??!! How can you say you are "happily married?" People are what they DO, not what they say....and what you have DONE has spoken volumes.
If you think you have been faithful, then you are delusional. If your congregation, colleagues and wife could hear what you say to me and SEE what you have done (sexualizing our relationship).....what would be their response?!
How dare you have your cake and eat it too....you get to play with me, and then go home to your cozy little life.
I go home alone and try to figure out: "What just happened here?"
Shame on you. There is tons more, but that is it in a nutshell.
Needed to vent, and hugs and thankyou's.
Sassy
P.S. He used to hug me, but won't do it now (too long to go into here); talk about confusion and frustration...to me a hug is a welcome and glad to see ya! NOT sexual....to him it IS sexual; he days he only hugs little old ladies and kids...he never should have started hugging me; now I am deprived of something that was nice.
poster:sassyfrancesca
thread:841755
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/841755.html