Posted by antigua3 on July 18, 2008, at 11:13:56
In reply to Re: Question on Therapy Types (long/sorry) » antigua3, posted by Daisym on July 18, 2008, at 1:53:02
Daisy,
All good points. You're right. I "protect" my T from my most difficult feelings, but with her I can discuss the transference. She is my mother; we're both very clear on that, and I'm still at the point that I can't express anger toward her. Ultimately, I may not ever be able to because I don't want to step out of my "good girl" role. that's probably why I've been in therapy w/her so long.I do hate her when she goes away on trips (like she is now) because it brings up abandonment issues. We talk about it now, but we're still not there yet. And I recognize I may never get there with her.
I hope my pdoc does provide the "safe containment" you describe. You know, I went into this with him w/the whole idea of not getting attached to him and not going through this whole transference thing, and that's what I wanted. But the mind is trickier than that, and doesn't always cooperate. I don't long for him, want to sexualize the relationship (that seems like a really "icky" thought with him, which should be explored with my T) or live under his desk. I want him to do his job and FIX me. Yes, that's not how this works.
I will admit that I think about him often, about things I want to say to him, but I can't just call and tell him. I tried writing, but he once called a part of my writing bull*, which had a profound effect on me and I haven't been able to write since (except for work, and here sometimes, although I'm very often inhibited, which is too bad because I'd like to be more help to others). I don't know why I give him this power over me--the most important thing in my life (besides my kids) is my writing, and here I've let a stupid, angry comment from him affect me this way. I know I have to break the chord from what he said, but I haven't been able to do that yet.
Basically, I trust my feelings very strongly, but in the area of my father, my biggest fear is that I won't be able to contain the feelings and something terrible will happen when I tell. He says it's his job to take care of himself, and we will be covering things that we've already touched on, but he didn't assure me that he wouldn't be disgusted or think less of me (I need to remind him of that!)Opening up this part is crucial, or I will just have to learn to accept it and live with it being hidden. I'm serious about that.
I think you've pegged him right. I do know that I make him step out of his comfort zone sometimes, but that's just too bad. That's his problem. If it was too much, he wouldn't treat me.
Your comment about somatic memories is so right on. I feel this physically and I want to get rid of it.
thanks again,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:840155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/840451.html