Posted by star008 on December 22, 2007, at 15:14:48
In reply to DESCRIBING how a DD FEELS....., posted by muffled on December 22, 2007, at 12:15:54
hey muffled... again my friend you are not alone in your thoughts. a part of me still thinks it isn't real.. that I am not DID. that I am just a drama queen making all this sh..t up.. but then there are the times when i switch right in front of myself.damn. called my T the other day and couldn't recall who called him. i vaguely calling remembered it but it was as if someone else did it. and i think i am lying too and nothing that bad happened to me.. i don't remember anything that bad that would have made me split into all these peeps.. but maybe yours were like mine and there wasn't any huge thing that made you split.. maybe it was the ongoing, neverending stuff that the kids couldn't deal with. and i don't know if knowing your DID makes it any easier.
and i go out in the wORld and act normal and no one knows that I am really f..ed up..
I think about my T too and his well adjusted family having their many friends over and having a fun "well adjusted" time..lol. exchanging well-thought-out gifts and being loving and feeling grateful for their good fortune..Hanging out in their beautiful homes and having, yes, dinner all together at the table. I don't have xmas dinner at all much less at a table with family..maybe someday when i have a bigger house..
I had a bad week.. got really sick and split most of the time.. I saw monsters in the blankets.. Yeah, i know they were my imagination.. my Ikid was scared they were so real. They moved and scared her and she cried. they looked like monsters to me too, even though I knew they weren't real.. freaked me out watching them move..and they were very real to my Ikid.. and she cried and wanted her mom. But mom wasn't there for her..So I tried to smash the blanket monsters but a new one would come up where the old one was..It was very real to me.. to the adult me. it was real.. i saw it.
I don't know if there is a way to describe what it is like muffled.. If you got it you know what it is like and no one else is going to understand totally.. My T gets it but I don't know if he has a clue as to how it feels..
I am glad someone came to help out thatkid..and glad that you were able to feel a little bad for her..The poor kid.. All of them... All our poor kids stuck inside and living through sh...t over and over again.. Just kids..
poster:star008
thread:801864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/802086.html