Posted by antigua3 on October 26, 2007, at 7:24:20
In reply to Re: Pdoc/Real Me asked why I wouldn't shake hands abov » antigua3, posted by seldomseen on October 25, 2007, at 17:03:21
yes, I'm certain he has issues of his own, and I'm a very big challenge for him. I don't know what bothered me most the other night--whether it was because he was fidgeting so much with all of us his electronic gadgets (even going on the Internet) trying to find out if there was a drug interaction going on (I told him he could do that at another time and just let me know) so he wouldn't have to concentrate on me and what I was trying to tell him, or that he finally admitted he doesn't call patients by their first names (I've been asking him to call me by my first name for more than a year I think and he has just ignored it), or the most important fact of all, that he didn't step up and say he would be there if I needed him AS MY PSYCHIATRIST, through a potential crisis. Not as a warm, caring individual, but as my psychiatrist, which I pay a hefty sum for.
My T agrees. He is generally a CBT guy, we discussed it, but he agreed that my therapy required more of a psychoanalytical approach and he was more than willing to provide it. Sometimes he does, and he's great, but then he backs off. Dependency is strictly forbidden, although he knows it's all part of the process.
My T says that she can tell by what I tell her that he lets his issues--he would call it his orientation--get in the way. We tease about training him, because I think he could be a really good psychiatrist one day. He already is one, when it comes to research. I told him that I thought he would be great when he learned a better bedside manner. His response was "Ouch."
So, in one way he totally gets it.Now some of you may ask why should I be the one training him? It's a great question, and I know it's centered on wanting the authority figure (my father) to recognize/accept responsibility for how he treats me. It is, in fact, part of my own therapy. I know the time may come when I may have to accept that won't happen, and that it hurts more than it helps, but I'm not there yet. My T still sees the use in him as well. So selfishly, I'm still going, but I'm strong enough now (I tell him when I think he's full of it) to throw away what I don't agree with. That said, it still hurts sometimes, but I still see it as part of the process of me dealing with an authoritative male.
I am the touchy, feely type when it comes to my family and friends, but the hard edge he provides is good for me, at least for now. I do not want sympathy, I go for the honesty, but as I said, if I think he's full of it, I let him know. Arguing and standing up for myself is new for me. I don't want him to feel sorry for me in any possible way. That could be another issue for me...
I have a backup who is really a great guy. I sent my son to see him a couple of times and it worked out very well. We keep in touch--because the greatest joke of all is that he is my pdoc's backup when he's away!--and I invariably need a refill, etc. when he's gone and have to contact the back up.(I didn't realize there was a connection between them--my pdoc was referred by my old pdoc when he retired, and I got the name of the other one from my T! Small world.)
I know there are others out there, and maybe someone better for me to work with, but right now we are working on the heart of the matter--father as authority figure. I'm not looking to break him, but it does help me understand my father much better.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:790878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071022/msgs/791498.html