Posted by Daisym on October 17, 2007, at 23:11:55
I'm wondering what everyone thinks of this.
I've been talking a lot in therapy about what it is going to be like for me to have any kind of an adult relationship again - especially a physical one. It is complicated with a whole bunch of conflicting feelings. In group, one person was talking about wishing her partner was more "cuddly" -- physically affectionate, not just sexual. There were a lot of ideas about how she could help him learn to be more like that.
But I protested some. *I'm* not like that either. I don't really want physical closeness - I hate holding hands or cuddling in bed. I need my space! (Disregard this intense little kid need to just held sometimes.) Everyone shook their heads and sort of said, "well, sure. You should be strong with your personal boundaries." But they didn't really mean it. After much discussion it was clear that everyone had lots of ideas about how to help me learn to "like" being touched and being close.
Why do I have to learn this? Why can't someone else learn to *not* touch or demand this closeness? Why is it more OK for someone who wants to touch to get this, than someone who doesn't?
So I'm curious. How many snugglers do we have here? And how many non-touchers (which doesn't mean we are very loving in our own ways.)
poster:Daisym
thread:789878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/789878.html