Posted by B2chica on October 11, 2007, at 12:41:38
ok, feelings about T confusing me a bit.
and i keep thinking that maybe i need to just stop and/or find someone else...which does not appeal to me right now...way too hard and honestly i think that would just be it for me and therapy. and that's not an angry threat or anything, its just how i feel about things now.but here's whats going on in my head as of late.
i actually worked hard and got past my issues with absolutely NOT wanting a female T, and am seeing female now. i've grown to trust and yes even like my T. :^)
"ya, she's ok 4 a grl" says teen.but im upset and worried now. i dont know if its more me or teen.,...maybe both are thinking of just stopping T altogether.
well since the anger teen carries and expresses has ALWAYS scared me i was scared/worried to let it out... i told T that many many times. T kept saying that its ok to express her anger there (as long as i dont hit her or anything)....well teen did start to express. she yells and tenses up, and hits me sometimes....
on tuesday i kept switching between me, littleone and teen...very hard but teen out mostly.
anyway teen bluntly asked T if she even knew what she was doing (re me...them...us). i think cuz me and teen don't know whats going on or can control things that we think she not really sure what she's doing. -teen thinks that she just wants to have a patient with DD or would like to think she knows what she's doing but doesn't really? (though i do believe her to be pretty smart, not one that 'thinks' their smart, but really is)
so one thing led to another and T ended up saying that its not that she doesn't like teen, its that teen is sometimes intimidating and i don't know if she said scared but i think she said 'unsettles' her. Teens first reaction was 'well good', though she didnt' say that....but soon...it bothered her. teen told T that she would never hurt anyone only herself. but now it really bothering teen. she thinks that T doesn't know what to do with and therefore doens't want to deal with her. shes feeling REALLY rejected and i think she's shutting down. attitude, like she's not gonna go again.she's also upset cuz when little one tells memories and stuff T is really supportive and gentle...when teen reminded her that she got hurt too and re-told/reminded couple things T didn't seem as gentle more like "ya I remember you told me that one"...kinda casual (not direct quote, but what teen interpreted). i think teen was restating cuz she wanted more response from her? she feels that when littleone talks, T has sympathy for her and when teen talks, T thinks that teen should have controlled situation better and that 'stuff happens' and she'll get over it, or (and this is the big one) that what happened really wasnt that big a deal.
-now. T Never said anything like that or I (b2) would stop immediately. BUT that is Exactly how teen is seeing/feeling things.THEN, since T gave littleone hug same session...of course teen pushed that away, but she really wanted it herself i think. but then again, she'd probly never accept one.
so i (b2) can't even tell T that teen wants hug too cuz teen would push her away, i dont' know what to do with that either.
b2c
and she won't be quiet in my head if i don't include this that she said.
SEE<,THIS IS WHY I WILL ONLY TALK TO GUYS...CUZ THEY KNOW HOW TO REACT....THEY KNOW WHAT I NEED. THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR F*CK*NG TRUSTING A GIRL! women only know how to be GOOD WITH CRYING PEOPLE...well maybe i need someone STRONG who will yell back? and maybe NOT..well i don't f*ck*ng know I"M NOT the damn therapist!
BUT i DON"T want to be around someone who DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME!!!!!!
b2t
poster:B2chica
thread:788496
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/788496.html