Posted by RealMe on October 3, 2007, at 23:31:51
In reply to RE: T who seems to blame the victim **Trigger**, posted by RealMe on October 1, 2007, at 23:33:21
I talked things over with my therapist. I was so angry with him, and he said I misunderstood that he meant the opposite of what I thought. We talked about this a lot and then about some other things. He then said I seem to get angry with him a lot lately, and I said I did not realize that. So, last night I sent him an email and apologized for getting so angry with him and said I did not realize I was getting angry that much. Then, when I got home tonight, I saw he sent me an email that said just "Thank you."
Maybe I am going off the deep end, but I started crying and can't stop, and I feel like I can't breathe, like I am having a panic attack. I am afraid he is going to do the same thing as my last T and tell me to go find someone else. My last T said that to me because he said we could not get past my anger. So, I just started to stuff my anger and got more depressed and did the ECT, and then I got angry with my old T, and that was the end of it for us. So, I am wondering if my current T will be the same way and if I stuff my anger which I don't want to do, I will get more depressed.
I wrote him another email tonight and said that maybe we should end it all now as I don't want the same thing to happen as with the previous T. I don't want to stuff my anger either. I don't mean to get angry, but I said he told me in the beginning he would not get rid of me if I got angry with him and that I should tell him if I am angry with him and was that a lie??? I told him maybe he should give me some names of Therapists for me to see, and in the meantime I would check around myself. I just feel so hurt now and like I am never supposed to get angry with anyone especially a T. I never was like that. Patients got angry with me, and I never said go find someone else and I never felt I needed for them to apologize. It was where they were at. Why am I using such poor judgment in finding therapists. They seem to good, and then I am hit in the face. Maybe I am misinterpreting his comments, but therapy with him is feeling worse and worse and I am feeling more and more hurt. So, I am not sure this is a good thing at all.
Today I yelled at someone at work, a co-worker. I can't be doing that sort of thing. I just don't know what to do and can't stop crying. I am thinking maybe I should just forget T for now and focus on work and my physicalo health. I think my new PCP would be willing to prescribe my Parnate for me.
RealMe
poster:RealMe
thread:785938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786767.html