Posted by Wittgenstein on August 16, 2007, at 15:40:18
In reply to Re: I opened up but he pushed me away :( » wittgenstein, posted by Honore on August 16, 2007, at 14:27:22
I thought I was feeling better today - your responses have really helped me, and I appreciate your support. The thing is, I keep having these horrible waves of pain and more or less anything can trigger them (sadly I guess these are familiar for a lot of Babblers). I know it's probably over-the-top but it was such a big deal for me to be open to him in the first place.
I think this has been the most upsetting thing to come up so far. He did make a really stupid comment early on in T when I tried to explain how I was afraid to cry and mentioned the lack of any tissues in his office - I mentioned how my grandfather had hit my brother and I as toddlers if we cried and my T responded half-jokingly "so, you think I'm going to hit you?". At the time, I seriously contemplated quitting. Usually he's not like this but when he does muck up, it really hurts.
What would you do in a similar situation i.e. a bad session and you feel awful afterwards and the pain just won't ease off - this time I've just sat it out but should I have phoned him or written to him? I don't really know what warrants contact and what doesn't - we've never discussed it. A couple of times I've asked to see him sooner for fairly big reasons (overwhelming suicidal thoughts) and he's scheduled me in first thing the next day both times.
I know a lot of people do phone their T's. I'm not a big phone person but maybe just talking to him would have saved me some of this pain. I'm reluctant to mail him seeings as it was my last mail to him that brought all this up in the first place. I don't want to pester him or pressure him - I'm afraid that will push him away even further and all I really want is to feel close and connected. I'm counting on a good session tomorrow.
Honore, I think you're right - he seems to be a traditional Freudian although he's not orthodox in his approach - a considerable amount of 'himself' is there in the room. Perhaps this somewhat old-school approach explains his response although some time ago when I first admitted I had missed him, he did deal with this sensitively. I think your suggestion about him having his practice at home is interesting. I hope I don't make him feel threatened in some way. I don't have 'those' kind of feelings toward him and the thought that he might have such feelings toward me disturbs me a bit - I don't have a very high self-esteem so it's hard for me to imagine that being possible.
As for the home-environment, it does sometimes feel a bit in-your-face having a session with his wife wandering around in the back garden. Just before the vacation his wife had just got back from the shops as I was arriving and we had a bit of a chat - she seems very nice (in a genuine way) and didn't appear to be threatened by me.
Thanks again for your replies - will see how it goes tomorrow.
Witti
poster:Wittgenstein
thread:776504
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776658.html