Posted by muffled on June 21, 2007, at 14:58:19
In reply to Re: letter to 'mother'...***TRIGGER*** » Happyflower, posted by B2chica on June 21, 2007, at 14:29:18
> infact i question even more now...why her 'love' for me was so conditional???
* Cuz SHE had issues, NOT you.
> i LOVE my DD no matter what. even when she becomes older and 'hates' me...i will love her even MORE!! and will tell her that!
*Good, cuz I haven't hit adosescence w/my kids yet....but I hear it can be very hard...
I tell my kids same thing. I say I love you even when I am angry with your behaviour. And times when I am moody, I am careful to explain and make clear that the moodiness is about me and NOT them.
My daughter will say I don't love her. I just say, think what you will, but I know I do. It does seem to satisfy her.
>
> i just dont understand...i could NEVER, NOT show her how much i love her. i cant imagine NOT hugging her and telling her EVERY Freaking day how much i love her! ....d@mn, what i would have done for one freaking hug from my mom...one soothing word...one sign of affection. well, i could give a cr@p less now...**Maybe you will be different...but there have been times when I have REALLY not liked my kids.....but no, the love is always there, but there's been times where its a little hard to dredge up. Just so's you don't kick yourself if you have moments when you can't feel 'the love' as it were for your daughter. Its normal, its not bad, its still there, mebbe just overshadowed by the ultimate frustration. Kids can bring on strong emotions.
>
> i think having this child will heal me more than all the therapy in the world. it gives me the chance to (in a way) undo what my 'mother' did by making sure i do things (or dont) with my DD.**Yup
> i think what is hard for me is when people that dont know say "we learn to mother from our mothers.." or something equally distressing. i feel trapped, like no matter how hard i work im destined to repeat my mothers actions. :(
> it takes me a while to realize again that i dont HAVE to repeat that cycle....or i tell myself that i will imitate...my MIL...
> -she is the epitome of motherhood and patience. i thank God she is in my life! (and my DD)**sigh, I occasionally find myself behaving like my mother,just little things, and it hurts, bad, but at least I eventually have recognized it, and then taken action to change it, and to repair any possible damage as a result of it.(eg talking to them about it)
>
> and YES. my DD makes me stronger...100x. see, i still cant seem to stand up for myself...but i SURE can for her.*kids are utterly AMAZING.
Hang in there kiddo.
M
poster:muffled
thread:764491
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/764763.html