Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 29, 2007, at 16:48:43
In reply to Re: Wanting to issolate my miserable self * trigg » Happyflower, posted by gazo on May 29, 2007, at 15:38:05
Happyflower,
You have been happy in the past, and you WILL be happy again. I know that you don't believe me, and that you've put up a wall against being happy, but you can do this. You've done amazing things in therapy, and you've done things to survive that will give you the strength you need to get through this.Remember- happyflower is a survivor.
Okay- on to the pit. You are there. But you can also see that it gets deeper. I'm going to be a hardass, like my oldT was, and tell you something that might hurt in the short run might help in the long run
descending deeper into the pit is a matter of small choices. When you make the choice to pretend to act normal you climb a step up. When you make the choice to do something self-destructive you climb a step down.
And now a little trick that medications play- they diminish the chances that you'll make bad choices. They are like a little pep squad that says- you can go the bookstore today. You can play with your kids today. You can make healthy dinner today. You can make the good choices.
The good news is that you only need to do a little more positive than negative things every day. A little extra smiling (even fake smiling). A little exercise (don't turn it into "a whole workout or else I'm a failure" thing). A little fishoil in your diet. A little antidepressant every morning. keeping regular T appts. Smelling your happyflowers. Just one or two of those things everyday will pull you out of the pit, one step at a time.
In the meanwhile, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to say it out loud "I am having problems right now. I feel terrible. I don't *know* how to feel better (trust me I've been there...) I don't have the right words to tell people how crappy I feel. I'm afraid of dying like this"
And it's okay to cry. Depression is a terrible affliction. You have every right to cry. You can cry because you have compassion in your heart, though. Cry because you miss the good times, and you wish to get back out of the pit. cry for your bruised and battered soul. cry for the thousands of other depressed people in your county. Cry for the 10% of people who suffer as you're suffering.
Know that you're not alone. I have been there. Maybe I've been there very recently. But everything you learn about yourself right now will give you strength to fight the voices "I'm a terrible person" "I've never been happy" "I don't deserve anything good" "This will never end" "there is no way out" "I'm all alone"
LIES. all LIES. figure out who the liar is. then challenge it.
You're STRONG happyflower. More than you believe right now, but we believe in you.
blessings and peace to your hurt,
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:760169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760229.html