Posted by Happyflower on May 22, 2007, at 15:45:26
In reply to I am not doing very well, posted by Happyflower on May 22, 2007, at 8:25:49
Hey thanks ladybug, muffy and phillipa, I want to respond to you each, but I just can't right now.
I think everything in my life has come to a head right now on my shoulders. I just took a xanax, I forgot I had them, I am not used to medicating my problems, so I guess I should start now. I have been crying all day, no energy to even buy food. I had to run to Taco Bell for the kids becasue there was no lunch stuff in the house. I don't want to exercise anymore, I went this morning out of rountine, and left after 15 min, feeling queasy and not wanting to respond to the comments that I look tired, or one said I looked like hell, one thought I was having an astma attack, one said I looked like a ghost.
I have been feeling in the dumps for some time now, I have been trying to fight it, I had this last weekend to look forward to. Now it is over , and there seems to be nothing to look forward to. I am just in bed crying, watching TV, and wanting to just pull the covers over my head. I don't want to make dinner tonight. I just want to be left alone in my hole I guess.
I guess I have depression, I want to talk to my T about how bad I have gotten over the last month.I called him today and left a message asking him is he really that busy that he didn't have an opening in 2 weeks. I asked him if I should call somebody else because I didn't know what to do. Well he did call back and left a message, because I couldn't even answer the phone. He said he is taking this fri. and mon off, and that is why the weeks are so full. He said he would keep me in mind if he gets a cancellation. I don't know, I feel like giving up on him, and trying someone else. or maybe just dealing with this myself, the way I have always dealt with things. At least If I disapoint myself, it won't hurt as bad as being hurt by others.
I am sorry I am unloading all of this, but I feel so desparte and I just want help, and my T doesn't have time for me. I don't even know if I want to go to my appointment next Thurs. I feel like just not showing up, I know that pisses him off. But I don't know if I can be that irresponsible and mean. Well he is wrong about something, my life IS a sh*t sandwich. I guess he can't taste it, but I can.
poster:Happyflower
thread:758780
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/758877.html