Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 10, 2007, at 19:59:48
It's all up to me and I'm scared I'm gonna flunk this one.
I'm working so hard, and it's never enough.
Too much.
I just want to get wasted or waste myself.
T did some relaxation exercises with me today. Okay, she did some hypnosis with me today to help me relax enough to eat. Now what? I don't know how to make it through the next hour, much less the next 6 days. This is horrible. worse than the defense.
People always say that I'll survive and stuff. Maybe I don't want to survive. maybe that's part of the problem. maybe my advisor doesn't care about my survival either. maybe nobody cares.
what do I know though? can't know myself. can't change other people. can't help myself. f*ck. can't even feed myself. this is bad.
and you guys will worry about me and I feel like a real sh*thead posting this crap.
i wish...
something to make it better. a drug. a word. something. instead it's back to bushwhacking. and now I have to chop down virgin timber one tree at a time. it's killing me. I don't use those words lightly.
even kitty knows something is wrong.
my mind spins 100000000 miles an hour, even as i try to rest.
my hair falls out.
my pdoc thinks I like to blame all my symptoms on medical issues. No help there. see you next week. great.
I'm so sick. what then. 3 choices. work my *ss off and make myself sicker. or work my *ss off and feel better. Or give up.
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:757598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757598.html