Posted by wishingstar on April 7, 2007, at 22:16:04
In reply to Re: How ya' doing, WishingStar? » wishingstar, posted by Iwillsurvive on April 6, 2007, at 17:06:58
Thank you both. I'm not sure I have the energy or really ability to make a great response right now.. I just needed to know that I wasnt invisible. I've been feeling invisible a lot lately.
therapygirl..
I know I'm young.. but I dont think it means anything.. aside from that I have more time to suffer with this. I've been in therapy on and off for 8 years, and my coping mechaisms are worse now than they were 5 years ago. Am I confused about what direction "better" is? Apparently so. Either that or I'm just a bit slow hehe. Maybe both. thank you for your support..iwillsurvive...
you are very sweet to say all those things. thank you. I cant take a leave of absence or take time off at work.. its either work regular, or quit. No one can cover for me because my clients are mine alone. They have the relationship with me and i know their stories.. no one else does. It makes it hard. Im so frustrated because both of my therapists (laurie, ginny) are telling me i shouldnt be doing this job. But ginny was the one who pushed and pushed until I applied for it! I just cant win. Did she not expect me to get it? I'm no worse emtoionally then I was when I applied, so that hasnt changed. Even if I quit, I'd need to follow my current cases until theyre closed, which is another 4 months on each. Plus I think I'd feel totally worthless if I couldnt keep my job and just hate myself more than I already do. I cant lose my job.I see a new pdoc on Monday. actually, shes a nurse of some sort but she works at the mental health clinic and does perscribing. Ginny said she likes her so hopefully itll go well. I'll let you know. I've taken seroquel but i really hate it. It makes me so sedated and confused and blah. My depression generally doesnt get me agitated or anxious at all.. so those drugs that work in the moment have never seemed to help me much.
I havent heard back from Laurie. I said in the email that it was okay if she didnt respond and i believed at the time that id be okay with that.. but it turns out I'm not. Its really bothering me. Oh well. It's easy to forget sometimes that she really is just my therapist because we have such a unique relationship. but bottom line is, shes a therapist.
The once a week therapy starts this week. I'm going to try to make the best use of it I can. Until ginny, all id ever done was once a week for years and years.. so i know how it feels.. and i guess thats part of why i dont have a lot of hope for it. been there, done that, 50404 times over. I need something different. who knows what. a smack upside the head perhaps?
i sat around and did research for 2 hours last night trying to understand what itd feel like to have your stomach pumped. trying to decide if its worth the risk. of course i know the logical answer is no, but..eh. im safe in the moment so no one panic if they read that. just a general thought.
thank you for your support both of you.
poster:wishingstar
thread:746092
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/748009.html