Posted by gazo on March 31, 2007, at 12:41:01
i feel stupid. i seem to have lost control over myself or something. i know why, i just don't seem to be able to stop it. a quiet night at home ended up with me stumbling down a dark city street at 3am drunk and alone. tonight what is WRONG with me?
am i ever going to be able to examine the bad parts of my life without slipping into this stuff? i suppose like IWS said about something else, i guess it's better than some other options.
my pdoc said he worries a lot about me being out like that. he said someone was eventually going to attack me or something. i said i didn't care... and he said something very insightful, he said i did care, and that i was looking for it to happen because i was so angry. He said it's like saying "you want a piece of me? come and get it and i will take a piece out of you." It was true at the time. DOn't know what my motive is right now.. self punishment, destructive behaviour.
i had wanted to make my old T proud of me.. of how far I had come over the last 5 months, how good i was doing. instead i am falling on my face over and over.
poster:gazo
thread:745749
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/745749.html